Safeheart
by StormyNight108
Summary: Everything happened in a daze for Eva Rosalene, who sat stone-cold in the driver's seat of their company car with her hands in her lap, and her gaze somewhere far away. [Cover image by Cat at sigmund-corp on tumblr]
1. Chapter 1

**Five years ago, I wrote a fic called Hold My Heart.**

 **Today, I begin it's rewrite.**

 **I hope y'all enjoy, and thank you for sticking around for so long, or if you're new here. I appreciate all the support, and I can't wait to dive back into writing about two dear characters.**

 **Thank you.**

* * *

Click.

Click.

Neil lets out a frustrated groan.

He presses the screen of his phone against his head, the coolness of the surface drawing some semblance of relief to his clammy skin. He hunches over at his kitchen table, his elbows digging into the wood as he fights another wave of nausea, while his inner conflict continues its debate. Eva's contact information is up on the screen, and even with his eyes closed, he feels the _Call_ button taunting him. He sighs.

 _Come on, you're going to let a little cold stop you?_ He asks himself, but his thoughts trail off momentarily. He tries to keep his attention on track, but it isn't easy when you feel like the floor is getting swept out from under your feet. _I bet this isn't even a cold. You're just getting nervous and wussing out. Call Eva. Invite her to dinner. You keep putting it off, and at this rate you'll never do it._

He tries to play the conversation in his head. Almost every single time, she brushes him off. Or she laughs in his face. Or she asks if he's drunk.

He may very well be drunk.

Another wave of nausea hits him, and he has to remind himself that he hasn't had a sip of alcohol that day.

 _Tell that to my stomach._

He releases a soft groan and rests his head on the table. When the room feels like it begins to spin again, he tries to perk up.

 _Do it. Call her._

He hesitates.

The sudden sound of his phone ringing startles him out of his head space.

Neil springs up with a yell, his phone launching out of his hand and sailing through the air in slow motion, sending a pang of adrenaline through his chest. He hears it clattering against the tile floor. In the midst of it all, he tries fumbling after it, and he falls out of the chair to end up face-first on the floor, feeling a shock of pain run up his nose at the impact. He mutters an " _ow"_ as he uses one hand to cup his sore nose, and the other to swoop up the phone and answer the call in one swift motion. "Hello?" He asks, his voice muffled behind his hand.

If Eva noticed, she didn't comment. "Neil, we've got a patient."

"Oh."

Behind Eva's voice, he can just pick up the start-up of a car engine. "I'm on my way over to get you. Be ready in ten."

Neil is at a loss for words, still a little rattled from the jump, but finally forces out a coherent sentence. "Alright, I'll see you then."

Eva hangs on the phone for a few more moments, as if she has something else to say, but then she disconnects the call. Neil crawls back into the chair and cradles his aching head, his fingers cold and shaky. _This is bad, Neil._

 _No, it's not, it's okay._ He tries to tell himself. _I have this under control. I just need to take some more right now, but then I'll find a way to stop._

Hating himself for it, he pulls the bottle of painkillers close and takes what he needs, hoping it will provide some sort of relief.

It seems to do so less and less these days.

A long time ago, he might have taken the pills with a pang of regret, telling himself that it was time to stop, and that that time would be the last. Now, he can't bring himself to care. His breathing is slow, and all he can think about is what Eva would say if she found out.

He pushes the thought out of his head. She would never know.

He'd make sure of that.

Ten minutes and a lab coat later, Neil is walking out of the front door of his apartment complex, approaching the company car parked at the entrance. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and fights to stay awake, throwing his laptop bag in the backseat and sliding through the passenger door. He plops down with all the grace of an elephant, slumping down into the seat. "Aww, you didn't get me food?" He teases, frowning at the empty, scentless car. He had hoped she'd get him coffee at least.

Eva looks less than sympathetic. "You should have eaten before I got here."

"I had a ten minute warning."

"Have you never learned how to scarf food down?"

Neil scoffs, tilting his chin upwards in a cocky manner. "You can't just scarf down food like a pig, Eva. You have to savor the taste. Otherwise it's a waste."

Eva shrugs to herself. "I still have more apples if you want one."

Neil ducks his head and crosses his arms with distaste. "On second thought, I'm not hungry."

There's a snort of amusement. "That's a first."

"Pardon me if my appetite is only hungry for the finer things in life. Like Chicken Nuggets. And Scotch."

After that, things fall silent. Neil is trying his best to seem upbeat, but there's a slur to his voice he can't quite shake, and there's darkness at the edges of his vision, begging for a nap. But he knows if he does, he'll be cranky during the case.

"What's the patient's name again?"

"Renolds."

"Hmm. I had a teacher in elementary school named Renolds." Neil mentions offhandedly.

"I'm surprised you remember that to be completely honest."

"I only remember him because he sucked, and always cut my recess time."

"Oh yeah? What for?"

"Talking in class."

"Shocker."

Part of him wants to defend himself, _He was saying all the wrong things, I had to correct him before he lead all of the impressional children astray!_ But he couldn't find the energy to speak, and found himself trying to swallow a lump in his throat. He puts one hand to his temple and sighs, closing his eyes. His head was pounding, as if someone were driving a hammer to his skull. Repeatedly.

"You look awful." Eva comments at some point, rousing him just before he could fall asleep.

He can't help himself. His words come out sloppy and unfocused. "Your face looks awful."

She doesn't grace his retort with a reaction. Instead, Eva repeatedly glances at him, squinting her eyes. "Are you drunk or something?" She asks with a slight annoyance in her voice. _Why did I know she'd ask that?_

"Just a cold I think. Woke up with it this morning."

Eva lets out a soft noise of acknowledgement, seemingly satisfied with the answer. She returns her focus on the road. "Well, take a nap or something. We have a bit of a drive."

Neil is perfectly content with this offer, and slumps deeper into the seat with a soft "thank you", tilting his head back and closing his eyes. With the vibration of the car and the lull of blurry sound, he finds himself more relaxed than he'd felt in a while. _See? I can still turn things around. I'll learn how to do without the use of the pills._

The other part of his brain is silent, but he knows it's calling his bluff.

Eva turns the radio up, and Neil smiles a bit. He likes the song that ends up playing, and he can softly hear his partner humming in tune to it. She seems to be in a good mood, and it spreads warmth in his chest to witness it. Always the serious one, she was. It was only once in a blue moon that Neil could catch her in moments like this.

Part of him wants to hum alongside her, so he does.

A few precious moments pass in the car of the two of them softly humming in tune to the music, and he can almost hear her soft smile behind the notes without ever looking up at her. These kind of moments weren't common, but he sure wished they were. If only he could work the courage up to ask her out to dinner, perhaps they would happen more often.

Neil splits off at the chorus to add harmony. He wasn't in musicals in highschool for nothing, after all.

And Eva continues the melody. Their unspoken synchronization carries on. Neil's voice grows weaker with each passing moment, and then as the song winds to a close, he decides that it's time to rest.

Neil allows himself to drift to sleep with a comfortable, blissful feeling, with Eva's voice humming in the background.

It was the last thing he ever consciously did.

Eva drives for a while in silence after the song ends. She dials down the radio and allows the sound of the car to be the only noise. It's almost nice not hearing bickering or banter from the passenger seat, and her napping partner looks peaceful and almost serene. It's an odd change of pace considering who her partner actually was. For the first twenty minutes of the drive, Eva allows the silence to comfort her. Perhaps she could even mentally prepare herself for the case this time, instead of going in feeling frazzled.

Thirty minutes into the drive, she glances over at Neil and feels a slight pang of worry. In all the years she'd worked with him, Neil had never seemed so worn down. In fact, these past few weeks he'd been pretty spacy and tired. She wonders if it's just part of him growing older; Gaining a greater sense of maturity. It was bound to happen at some point, after all.

Then again, this was Neil she was talking about.

But there was something bothering her about this picture. With slight concern, Eva raises her hand to Neil's nose to feel for air, keeping her other hand on the wheel. Her chest knots when she feels nothing for a moment, and as the seconds tick by, she feels herself grow more and more worried.

But then, right before she felt it necessary to raise alarm, she feels his gentle exhale on her skin. She withdraws her hand and tries to think, feeling a little more relaxed.

Forty-five minutes into the drive, she's almost at the client's home. She decides to rouse him awake now, so he wouldn't be too cranky getting out of the car. "Neil, we're almost there, wake up." She says, glancing over at him to gage his reaction.

Nothing happens. She sighs, feeling a pang of annoyance. "Neil, I swear, wake up." She reaches her hand over and jabs him in the arm.

He doesn't stir.

There are warning flags in her head, but Eva's trying to convince herself that he's just a heavy sleeper, and that she'll have to do more to wake him up. She drives the next few minutes clearly unsettled, occasionally calling Neil's name, and when she reaches the property of their patient, she parks the car and steps outside, rounding the car to his side.

She opens the door to the passenger seat and watches as the arm Neil had cradled against the door rolls down, dragging his body sideways a bit. He doesn't so much as flinch. "Hey, come on." She says, trying to be assertive, but her voice skips a beat halfway through her sentence. She puts her hands on his shoulders and shakes him. "Neil."

Nothing.

"Neil, wake up." She says again, this time with fear in her voice. "Neil!"

Nothing.

And it continued to be nothing, even long after the sirens, and the ambulance, and the EMTs, and the gurney rolled by in a blur. Barely a haze of memory for Eva, who sat stone-cold in the driver's seat of the company car, her hands in her lap and her gaze somewhere far away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys for your reviews! They mean the world to me, and I love hearing that you guys are enjoying the story. Y'all keep me going, seriously. The story may be a bit different than the original plan of my old story, but nonetheless, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.**

 **Thank you!**

Eva barely remembers what happened after that.

There were details that stuck out in her memory, like Neil's limp form in the passenger seat. He had never been so docile, so… still. He was the kind of person you'd always see alert and on guard, whether in cheer or in mischief. It was one of the things Eva had a love/hate relationship with.

Now, it hurt to see him so quiet.

Another memory that stuck out was that she didn't know what to do with herself during the mess. She watched the chaos from afar, unwilling to get in the way of the doctors, and found herself returning to the company car to sit in the driver's seat and try to process and think. She had to have been in shock, because she didn't feel much.

But the logical part of her brain was wide awake, and it wouldn't leave her alone.

 _What could have caused him to pass out, and not wake up? Did he have a seizure? Did he have a head injury he hadn't told her about? Some sort of illness?_

No matter which direction her mind stretched her in, she always found herself defaulting back to the pill bottles.

Those blasted pill bottles.

 _"Neil… you aren't addicted, are you?"_

 _"Are you kidding me? I'd overdose before I'd sink to that level of contrived mess."_

Why did she believe him? Why would she fall for that? If she had done something, anything, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess. The pills had to be the reason he passed out like that.

She couldn't feel anything.

Neil loved playing the fool. That was something she picked up a long, long time ago. He liked to trick people into thinking he was a bad liar, when in reality, he could be the sneakiest and most confident liar on the face of the planet when he wanted to be. As far as other people were concerned, this wasn't the case, but Eva knew better.

She should have done something.

Eva finds herself sitting in the hospital waiting room with her head in her hands for what felt like hours in complete silence. She wanted to bring herself to mentally curse Neil for whatever happened to him, but she can't bring herself to do so.

Eventually, Roxanne and Rob show up. The past few hours had gone by in a daze, and it was the first time Eva could convince herself to sit up. Her back ached and her stomach growled, but she didn't feel anything other than a raw numbness at the back of her chest.

Roxie immediately threw her arms around her and pulled her close as soon as she did. The warmth of another human being gave her a spark of comfort, at least. "I'm so sorry dear, we came as soon as we could! What happened to him? What are the details? Is he alright?"

Eva's voice wavers at first. "I don't know." She says, and then clears her scratchy throat. "He was just taking a nap in the car… and then he didn't wake up."

"The docs haven't told you anything yet?" Rob asks as Roxie lets go of Eva, moving to occupy the seat next to her and sling an arm over her shoulder. Eva wants so desperately to tell them about her suspicions that he was abusing prescription drugs, but decided not to until she was certain that that was the culprit.

"Not yet." Eva says with a soft sigh. "I haven't heard a word."

Rob sits down on the other side of Roxie, and the latter tightens her side-arm grip of Eva, rubbing her arm to comfort her. Eva relaxes into her embrace, trying to draw assurance from it, but she can't bring herself to feel anything.

Eventually, Neil's allowed to have visitors. Just the word that he was alive was enough to relax every muscle in Eva's body, or at least unwind the tension in the slightest bit. Roxie asks her if she wants company, and Eva denies it at first. She wants to hear about what happened, and if they get into a conversation about the addiction, she wanted to talk to Neil about it in private. Roxie and Rob would spend too much time gawking over the situation.

She approaches the doctor, her lips pressed together with tension.

"Miss Rosalene, is it?" The doctor asks as they step out of the waiting room.

"Yes. How is he?"

"What is your relation to Neil Watts?"

She hesitates. "Colleague. We're partners at the Sigmund Corporation."

He taps his pen against a clipboard and hesitates, narrowing his eyes for a moment. Finally, he speaks. "Ma'am, I just need to inform you first that our patients' medical details are normally confidential to people outside of family. However, in this case, he has no family on file, and you are listed as his emergency contact."

"I…" She stares, dumbfounded. "I am?"

"Yes." The doctor confirms. "Were you aware of this?"

"No, I…" She stops, and a memory comes to her mind, albeit a hazy one.

 _"Why am I listed as an emergency contact in your phone?" She had asked him while scrolling through his contacts one evening, sat back with her feet up in the community lounge center at their college. There were others milling about; watching TV, playing games, chatting in the corner, etc._

 _It took him only a moment to register that Eva was talking to him. "Hey, give me my phone back!" He had exclaimed, jumping out of the conversation he was having to snatch it out of her grip._

 _"Nah, not until you tell me why!" She had said. She may have been a little drunk that night, laughing a bit too much as she kept Neil's phone out of reach. At the time, it had been amusing._

 _But her friend looked serious, and a bit scared. "Dude, not cool! Give it back!" He had eventually wrestled it out of her hand, exiting the contacts to find that she had changed his screensaver to a close-up picture of him she had sneakily taken minutes before. She remembered laughing uncontrollably at his reaction, but he had done nothing more than pocket the phone and give her a dirty look._

"I was aware." The memory only took half a second to play, and then she was back in the moment. The look on his face… as though he didn't want her to know. "But I never knew why."

The doctor hummed in response. "I see. Okay, walk with me while I brief you on his condition." He says solemnly, and Eva falls into step with him, feeling a drop in the pit of her stomach at his tone.

"I must warn you first that your colleague is currently in a vegetative state." He starts off, and that was the last thing Eva wanted to hear. It makes her feel a bit sick to her stomach. Neil's in a coma? As in, in all the hours she had been sitting in that waiting room, he hadn't changed since the moment they took him in? "And the cause, well, the short of it is that he has had an abused history with Painkillers. Were you aware of Mr. Watts suffering from an addiction with them?"

" _Dr_. Watts. And no." She answers, deadpanned. She wouldn't lie and say that she knew, but she did have her suspicions.

"Have you noticed a change in his behavior within the past few months?" The doctor asks her again.

She considers. "Well, yes." She admits. "He had seemed more worn down than usual. And he would seem to get sick all the time. I chalked it up to stress since our job can be tedious."

"With a painkiller addiction, it can affect the user physically and mentally. It can show in signs of depression, anxiety, illness, lack of energy, and slower reflexes." The doctor confirms, and then they stop at a locked double door. The doctor fumbles for his keycard. "For your friend's case… what happened was that the painkillers eventually slowed down his heart and breathing. Over a long period of time of this, his heart didn't beat fast enough to keep him alert, and he fell into the state he's in now. I am assuming that before he fell asleep, he seemed ill, almost drunk perhaps?"

Eva felt her hands begin to shake, and she swallowed pensively. "Is he going to be okay?" Eva dares to ask, unable to keep answering this doctor's questions.

It takes him a moment to respond, but when he does speak, it causes Eva's heart to drop in fear. "We will do all we can, Miss Rosalene."

That never meant anything good.

They walk down another hallway before they reach Neil's room. There's no dramatic entrance, no dim lights, no quiet nuance that they play in movies. In fact, when she lays eyes on his still figure on the bed through the open door, it's so sudden that she feels as though she's dreaming. There's no way this can be real. This is so fake. Eva could point out four different things Neil would normally laugh at at a moment like this, as though they were watching a dumb movie in Eva's apartment.

She steps into the room, and the doctor offers to leave them alone for a bit. He doesn't close the door. She knows he wouldn't. Safety regulations and all that, considering this was an ER area, and they needed to be able to get in quick. Despite this, there was a curtain, currently drawn back behind his bed.

The machines that were currently hooked up to Neil didn't look so scary. Eva had seen a lot of machinery in her life at Sigmund Corp, and these look pretty standard to keeping him safe and healthy. She debates between walking towards his bed and sitting down at the extra chair in the room, and eventually decides to take a few steps towards her partner.

He looks unnaturally still. Firstly, it was odd seeing him without his glasses, which were closed on the counter next to his bed. Secondly, It was as though gravity was working especially hard to cling to his skin, and he looks incredibly pale. Had it not been for the heart monitor in the corner, Eva would have thought he was dead. She had seen a lot of dying patients in her life, but this didn't come anywhere close to any of those encounters. Her hands were still shaking. It was the first thing she really felt all evening, and she wasn't feeling good about it.

She puts her hand on Neil's hand. Whether to assure him or herself, she didn't know. Somewhere, she had heard that if you talk to someone in a coma, they could hear you. Well, fat chance of that happening. Because if Neil wakes up aware of anything she might say out loud, she'd never live it down. He'd wake up and immediately begin her torture for worrying so much.

 _If_ he ever woke up.

There it is. Eva took a step backwards when she felt her legs wobble and the world tip, and then suddenly, her knees buckled under her weight. She allowed herself to fall into the spare chair of the room, suddenly quaking with fear, and she buried her face in her hands as the tears finally came.

Terrible sobs escaped her lips, and she felt her entire body quake and shiver with stress. She fought to keep herself under control, but now she was feeling too much, too much, _too much_.

Her exhales became audible in every fight for breath, and she pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes to contain it all.

 _Neil…_

 _What have you done?_


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Eva sounds tired. Roxie knew that her colleague was a lot more exhausted than she was letting on, but knew better than to comment on it. Her eyes were puffy, and she had tissues sticking out of her purse as though she was running out of them.

The cafeteria of the hospital was quiet at this time of night, and a small part of Eva really wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed. Currently, she was chewing yet another stick of gum to fight her bad breath from having not brushed her teeth for two days. Not to mention how greasy she felt without showering, though nothing compared to the fatigue from how much she hadn't slept.

Roxie didn't seem to mind all this, however, and took her seat across from Eva eagerly. The first thing she did was deposit a small bag on the surface between them, eyeing Eva as she did so. The contents of it made a soft clattering sound when it hit the cheap plastic table. It was pink and black, with a zipper running across the top, and Eva gave her a quizzical look before reaching out to open it.

Inside was a stick of deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste, along with some floss and lotion.

"If you're not going to go home, don't forget to keep up your personal hygiene, dear." Was all Roxie said with a sad look.

A frustrated weight settled in the pit of her stomach. Eva sighs, zipping the bag back up and slipping it under her seat. "Thank you Roxie, I really do appreciate it. But is that all you wanted to talk to me about? I really should-"

"I knew about Neil's Painkiller addiction."

Silence.

Eva slowly raises her gaze to the woman sitting across from her.

Every nerve in her body goes cold, and a lead weight has formed in her chest. She opens her mouth to speak, but she sputters like a dead fish, unable to articulate a response to this sudden claim. Roxie showed no other emotion other than dead seriousness.

"What do you mean? How long have you known?" Was all Eva could ask, picking one out of the millions of questions she had.

Roxie sighed, adjusting herself in her seat as though she was preparing for a long conversation. Eva didn't like the feel of where this discussion was going to go. It took her friend a few moments to find the words it seemed, but eventually, she opened up.

"I've known for a few months now." She began, leaning her elbows on the table. "It began when I found your registered machine hiding in Neil's office."

"But… what does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I found it while you two were on duty at a patient's home."

It took a few moments for Eva to process this. When she realized what this implied, her eyes widened. "Wait… what machine have we been using then?"

"Neil took parts from older models and reconfigured a new one for you guys to use on your cases." Roxie explained, pursing her lips. "I confronted him about it, he panicked, and I threatened to expose him if he didn't explain himself. So afterwards, he took me aside and told me bits and pieces. He still tried to keep some stuff hidden, you know? But I can be very persuasive." She tries to give Eva a smirk, but it falls a bit flat. She continues anyway.

"Basically, he was experimenting on your machine to achieve something 'more' than what they could currently do. Something about the machinery being a waste of a miracle, and that he wanted to dig into it's untapped potential. He said he needed the newest model to advance its technological uses. Of course, I made him show me what he'd done to it, and I'll be honest Eva, it's pretty remarkable what he'd done so far."

"Okay," Eva is rubbing her temples again, leaning forward and hanging onto every word. "Okay, so what was he doing with it? And how does that tie to his painkiller addiction?"

"Neil was trying to reconfigure the machine to work on himself."

"…What?"

Eva tries to take a moment to process this. Neil trying to use the machine to… go into his own memories? What for? And how? The machine's effects permanently damage someone's perception of reality, not to mention the brain damage that comes after it. There was a reason they only used it on dying patients. "But why?" She finally asked, summarizing the abundance of questions running through her mind.

"That's what I was wondering at first too." Roxie explained, shifting in her seat. "So I kept interrogating him about the project. There was a lot he kept trying to keep from me, and eventually I had to just tell him if he wasn't outright with me, I'd out it to the company that he was tampering with officially registered equipment. Which would probably get him fired. That was when he was eventually desperate enough to tell me everything.

"When he was younger, he began an addiction with painkillers." She doesn't look at Eva when she says this, and instead crosses her arms over the table, looking down. "He said it wasn't as serious when he was younger, but as he got older, the dependence became worse. And he knew that it was dangerous, and that it was taking a toll on his health. But he didn't want to get involved in hospitals and institutions and all that. I tried to assure him that they would help him, but he didn't listen.

"So he had a theory." She straightened in her seat at this mention, gesturing her hand as though she were mapping out the idea in her head. "If he could change the machine to perform the miracle of changing memories _without_ permanently damaging the brain, he thought that if he went back and stopped himself before beginning his painkiller addiction, that it would kill his dependence on the drugs _now_."

Eva was trying to follow as best she could, but she was exhausted, and the only thing keeping her from falling asleep then and there was the adrenaline coursing through her veins. "But… that wouldn't stop the physical dependence." She pointed out, but then hesitated. "Would it? His body would still crave them. It would continue causing the chemical imbalance in his brain without them, whether or not he mentally desired them or not."

"He told me he was going to open up to some doctors once he was successful with the machine's reconfiguration to run some tests with them, and to see what exactly he could manage to alter." Roxie shrugs, looking a bit unsure now. "But his theory was that it would change his body and mind, and get rid of the dependence on all levels. He's been experimenting with the machine for a long time now, and every once in a while he'd let me run diagnostics on it and see for myself, and honestly, It's impressive, Eva. I think he was close."

Eva covers her face with her hands, taking a shuddering breath. "I know it's a lot to take in, Eva." Roxie says, putting a hand on her arm. She can feel her shivers. What an understatement. It was almost unbelievable. Why had Eva been in the dark about all this? Why hadn't Neil confided in Eva? Surely he could have trusted her enough to talk to her about it?

What a silly question. Neil didn't trust people.

 _But I thought he trusted me._

"But there's a reason I'm bringing all of this up, and you know why." Roxie continues.

A beat of silence.

Eva sniffles and dares to look up at Roxanne.

"…How close do you think he was?" She finally asks after a moment of quiet contemplation.

"I was going to run by the office and see for myself." Roxie responds, putting a finger to her lips. "One of the biggest problems he ran into was trying to go into his own memories while he was aware, considering it's difficult to perform tasks on your own consciousness. But if _we_ did it, that would eliminate that problem, since we're separate entities and he's in a vegetative state. There were a few minor glitches he had been trying to smooth out, but I think I know how to fix them. We were going to work on it this weekend, before..." She trails off.

Eva takes a moment to process, the gears turning in the back of her head. "You think this could work?"

"I don't know dear, but we can definitely try."

"It sounds incredibly dangerous."

"And since when has that stopped you?" There's Roxie's trademark smile, and she looked more enthusiastic now than she had in the past few days.

And that's when Eva gets a flood of determination, causing her fingers to curl into fists.

Her heart was thundering.

"Then let's do it."


	4. Chapter 4

"I can't possibly allow you to do this."

Neil's doctor, whose name was Dr. Summers, was standing in the doorway to his room, acting as a bodyguard the moment Eva and Roxanne show up with the equipment.

"Sir, as an employee of the Sigmund Corporation, Neil was given the option to sign a contract allowing him to be experimented on for a new prototype of our software." Roxie waved the false papers in front of his face. "This is one of the opportunities in his contract that he legally allowed for us to work with."

Eva was standing a few steps behind the other, currently struggling to keep the machine up in her arms. _This really is heavy…_ she thinks to herself, adjusting her grip. Rob was standing right next to her, his hands together in silence. She knew he was here to oversee the operation from the outside perspective, and communicate with them should there be any troubles.

"But your machines… they guarantee the death of it's user, does it not? You are taking away his chance of living!" Dr. Summers waves his clipboard, looking exasperated.

"Not this one." Roxie assures him, patting the box with a free hand. Eva is still struggling to stay upright with it's weight. Her fatigued body could barely keep it up. "This is an experimental type, meant to run some simulations on his brain. This will not bring about any permanent brain damage!"

Eva could see Roxie crossing her fingers behind her back. _Or so we hope…_ She thinks to herself, biting her lip.

Dr. Summers hesitates, finally releasing a groan and side-stepping out of the doorway. "Alright. But if anything happens to him during this process, the hospital will not be sued, correct?"

"Correct. We will take full liability."

Roxanne steps into Neil's room, but Eva hesitates. She turns to the doctor with curiosity in her eyes. "Have you had any luck contacting his family?"

"No, we haven't." He shakes his head. "They haven't answered any of our calls. We'll keep trying though. Hopefully they'll pick up."

Disappointed, she nods in affirmation and turns around. It was strange that his family wouldn't accept communication with the hospital. She wondered why that could be, and there are several different possibilities that come into her mind, but she knew it was probably none of her business. Instead, she tries to focus on what she was about to do.

She fixes her hold on the machine and steps into the hospital room.

When Eva's eyes land on her fallen partner, she can't look away. Every single time she walks into this space, she's always a bit shocked to see him there. Every instance made the situation seem more and more real, and she didn't like it. It ruins that little spark of hope that this was all fake, or a dream, or something other than what her eyes were showing her.

Plopping down the machine in the open space of the room, Eva begins to set it up.

Roxie was right about one thing. This machine was different. It had several different parts haphazardly attached or removed, and Roxie assured her that she did her best in the past twenty-four hours to smooth out the glitches, but it still looked dangerous. Forget Neil getting brain damage from this, what about her and Roxie?

"Alright, let me take over, Eva. I need to make sure some of the configurations are set up a certain way." Roxie says, and Eva is more than happy to let the technician take over. She hovers for a moment, watching her work, and then walks over to the bed Neil is laying in, pausing at the side to stare down at him.

It's unnerving that he won't open his eyes and look up at her.

 _People in a coma can hear their family or friends talking to them._

 _Say something._

Eva can't bring any words to her lips. She just rests her hand against Neil's and squeezes his fingers.

This has to work.

Long, tedious minutes pass while Roxie is setting the machine up. Eventually, Eva feels a hand on her shoulder, thinking that was the technician's signal that they were ready to go. Instead, she turns around to see Robert standing behind her, looking as emotionless as he usually does. He folds his hands and tips his head politely.

"Be careful in there." He says. "And I hope this works."

She tires to offer him a sad smile. "Me too."

He turns around and walks over to Roxie, kneeling down next to her where she's tampering with the machine. Eva can just pick up his soft whisper of "Are you sure you want to do this?", and then she turns around, tuning them out.

She walks closer to the head of Neil's bed, keeping her hand on his. And then, she softly exhales, closing her eyes.

"You're an idiot, Neil." She says as softly as she dares, hoping he could hear her. She wishes she could slap him for all the trouble he's putting them through. "I can't believe you allowed this to happen to you."

She swallows. There's no response from her partner. She wonders if she'll ever hear him really speak ever again.

"Hold on then, alright? Because we're going to pull you out of the mess you put yourself in, you hear me?"

Eva Rosalene sighs, putting a hand to her head. This was going to be difficult.

"Don't you dare die on me, Watts. I need you here."

"Eva?"

Roxie startles her, and she turns around to face her. "We're ready to go." She informs her, patting the machine and gesturing with her hand.

She takes a deep breath.

"Alright."

Eva reaches out with shaking hands and takes the helmet Roxie offers her, suddenly hesitating. "This might be dangerous, Roxie," She points out, her eyes glued to the helmet in her grasp. "…you don't have to come with me."

"Nonsense!" She smiles excitedly, breaking the tension in the air. "I'm not missing out on this."

"But-"

"Eva," Roxie cuts her off, giving her a determined grin with a softer voice. "I'm coming with you whether you like it or not. So get used to it. Now let's go, we have no time to waste!"

Robert puts a hand on Roxanne's shoulder, and she recuperates by putting her hand on his and squeezing. "Be careful in there." Is all he says, and Eva can just detect the slight hint of fear. She doesn't blame him. This machine hasn't really gone through any testing and safety checks.

"I'm nothing if not careful." She says to him, taking a seat in the spare chair of the room while Eva sits in the machine's recliner. They share a look, and then Eva breaks off their gaze to look over at Neil's still form on the bed.

"We can do this, Eva." Roxie assures her.

It takes her a moment, but then Eva nods in response, and then they slip their helmets on over their eyes. All she sees is darkness, and her nerves are shot. She's shaking with anticipation. There's a moment of silence as the machine calibrates and connects the helmets to their users, and all she can feel is the pounding of her heart against her ribs, begging for escape.

And then they take the plunge.

.

Eva hadn't even considered where the machine would take them in terms of his first memory. It never once occurred to her that she was about to be face to face with Neil himself. Albeit a fuzzy memory of him. In fact, she was so whiplashed that when she found herself standing in Neil's office, she felt the overwhelming urge to throw up.

Perhaps it was fear that the machine might break on her, but she felt different entering his memories. Unable to really pinpoint what it was that rubbed her the wrong way, she settled for folding her arms and holding her breath. Hopefully the machine would remain stable.

But there he was, sitting at his desk with the tampered equipment on his right, and calculations on his left. He's writing code into his computer, biting his tongue as he concentrated, lost in deep thought. At least the machine got them this far without collapsing under startup, or causing a power outage at the hospital.

"Well?" Roxie was now standing at her shoulder, gesturing forward. Her presence startled Eva, but she didn't show it. "How do you want to break it to the guy?"

"I didn't think this far ahead." Eva admitted, and Roxie laughed.

"Well, let's do it." Roxie says, reaching for her remote to activate physical interaction. Eva follows suit, sucking in a deep breath.

Their sudden appearance seems to have gone unnoticed by Neil's memory, who continued tapping away at his laptop as though nothing else in the world existed around him. Eva took a step forward and crossed her arms, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Neil."

Her partner screams, jumping in his chair. The momentum sends him careening backwards, and then the wheels of the chair tip over, landing on his back. He pants for breath, putting a hand on his chest and another on the floor to sit himself up.

In any other instance, this might have drawn out laughter from Eva. However, she just stood and stared, unsure of how to react. "What- what- what are you doing here, Eva? Roxie? How did you get… the door was locked…" Neil looked over at Roxie, making a face that went unreadable with his glasses hiding his eyes. But Eva could tell he was apprehensive- worried that Roxie had hacked the lock and brought Eva into his workspace.

"Neil." Eva simply says, at a loss for words.

"I… Eva, I can explain…" He says to her, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Neil, That's not why we're here." Roxie responds, shaking her head. This causes Neil to hesitate, and he looks over at her. "We're here because this is your last accessible memory to the database."

He looks at her, dumbfounded.

It takes him a few seconds to register what she was talking about. His eyebrows raise and his mouth opens, as though he were searching for something to say, but nothing is said. It's hard to pick up behind his glasses, but Eva swears she can see the fear on his face wash away the confidence he normally presents himself with.

But then, just as quickly as he had fallen silent, he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and lets out a genuine bout of laughter, picking his chair back up and setting it back in place. He can barely speak between his chuckles. "I can't believe I almost fell for that. You had me going there for a second. No really, what do you two need?"

"Neil, we're serious." Eva cuts in, but Neil isn't listening. He's still laughing, shaking his head in response.

"You guys are good. What, you been taking acting classes?" He slips his hands into his pockets. "I will say, props for the sour faces. You both look like you're attending someone's funeral. I'm sure anyone else would have fallen for it. Why don't you go do it to Rob? I'm sure he'd get a kick out of it."

The silence makes his smile drop in the slightest bit. The silence drags for a moment, and he forces another laugh between his lips. "No, you guys are totally joking with me. I know you are. You're both bad liars."

Roxie and Eva exchange a glance, and then Eva sighs, stepping forward with an apprehensive look. Neil takes a step backwards at this, now looking a bit pale and frightened at the sudden tension in the atmosphere, but continues to release nervous chuckles. "Really, you guys can drop the act now. The whole point of a prank is to do the big 'gotcha!' line, so let me have it. You had me going for a second, good for you. Surprise!" He looks more desperate now, taking another step backwards as Eva approaches. "Seriously, cut it out."

"Neil." Eva puts both her hands on his shoulders, and that's when his face drops, his glasses slipping down his nose a little bit. Instead of seeing the reflective surface, she gets a glimpse of his eyes. They're wide, greener than Eva had originally thought, and his face was completely pale now. He swallows. "Your body gave out from your Painkiller addiction. You're in a coma. We're using your altered machine to try to go back in time and fix this addiction of yours. We need you to talk to us, and we need you to help us, because we're going to save you."

He stares at her for a long time, and Eva stares back, unable to get over the fact that it was a rare treat to look him directly in the eyes. Those blasted reflective surfaces he insisted on having in his glasses made it hard just to see the mere color of his eyes. But now she felt like she was looking directly into his soul, seeing just how frightened and vulnerable he really was in that mere moment. There were bags under his eyes. He looked ill. But more than that, he looked terrified.

Deep down, he knew she was telling the truth.

His expression shakes her to her core, and there's a brief pain in her chest that's full of sadness. If only this were really him.

"We need a memento, too." Roxie cuts in, materializing next to Eva's shoulder and shaking her out of her trance. "So while you fill us in, be thinking about what could help us jump."

Neil can't look away from Eva's eyes, but eventually, he seems to force himself to look at Roxie and swallow, fidgeting with his hands. "Alright." He says, looking deathly spooked. "Alright, I'll bite. You've convinced me. By the way, if you're both joking, I'm going to kill you."

"Duly noted." Eva mutters, pocketing her hands to keep them from shaking. "Now when did you start your addiction?"

"I…" He frowns, looking down. "I can't believe I'm about to have this conversation with you. I didn't think…" He shakes his head, pacing a few steps to his left.

"Neil, please. We don't know how much time we have."

Pressing his hands together nervously, he turns back towards them, pressing his lips together. Eventually, he takes a deep breath. "I started in late high school."

"Okay." Roxie says, putting her hand on her chin. "Why?"

He looks at her, and then shakes his head, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Eva, do you remember in junior year when l when I was in a serious car accident?"

She hesitates, bringing back the thought. "Yeah."

There's a vague memory of it in her mind. She remembers hearing about it at school, and getting mixed stories about why he had been admitted. Rumors spreading and all that, saying he got into a fight, or he robbed someone, etc. She never visited him during that time- she hadn't been _that_ close to him yet- but when he came back to school he had been quiet and grumpy, using crutches to get around with his leg in a cast, and a brace around his neck. He had been sour for months after that.

"It all started then." He says, continuing on as if Eva hadn't just lost herself in her thoughts. "But the pills helped with a lot more than just my injuries, so… I kept taking them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"There was just… a lot going on. Personal life and stuff." He seems guarded now. Eva had never heard him speak on a vulnerable level like this, and this whole picture felt unsettling. She waited patiently for him to find the willpower to go on. "I hardly remember it anymore, but it helped. And… in the terms of a memento, you can use my backpack. I've been using it since college, and it should get you a good start."

He wouldn't look up at them. Eva feels a pang of sadness in her chest, and wants so desperately to reach out to him. To hug him. Something.

This isn't really him. He'd forget as soon as she jumped memories.

Neil eventually turns around and walks toward the corner of the room, grasping his discarded backpack in his hand and tossing it onto the floor between them.

"This isn't a joke then?" He asks, but if Eva could see his eyes, she would have seen that he knew it was real. It was in the tone of his voice.

"We'll do everything we can, Neil." Roxie says softly, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. Eva isn't sure if it's meant to assure Neil or herself. He looks down at her hand and then sighs.

"Good luck, then." He says, sitting back down in his chair with his hands on his knees. He takes a shuddering breath. Eva watches him for a moment, taking in this picture before her. Neil, once lively, now looking as though he were about to accept his death sentence from the Grim Reaper himself. He takes off his glasses and toys with them between his fingers, and Eva finds herself captivated by the face he constantly hides.

The bags under his eyes, the way his eyebrows curl with inner conflict, and the green shade reflecting off the glossy layer over his eyes. It all told her so much about what was going on in his head, what he was thinking, what he was feeling. It was more human than Eva had ever seen him express, and she can't bring it in herself to look away.

This might have been the first time she had ever seen his real self.

And this was just a copy of him.

A hazy memory.

After a moment, he looks up at her, and she can see _everything._ All of his emotions, his thoughts, his genuine self. Their eyes are locked and Eva feels an overwhelming amount of sadness so intense that, in a last ditch effort to maintain composure, she has to tear her gaze away, fighting back tears. Neil says nothing more.

Eventually, Roxie puts a hand on her shoulder in a silent beckoning. She approaches the backpack wordlessly, pressing her hand against it to reveal its bubble.

It was time to begin.


	5. Chapter 5

The world shifts.

It was a familiar sensation to Eva Rosalene. So familiar that she had grown accustomed to it, leaning on it for familiarity. But this time was not like others. The machine felt different. There was an unusual ambience to it; some sort of nuance that left her feeling unsettled. Somewhere deep in her mind, she wondered how safe this machine really was, and if she should _really_ be in here. How far could she trust Neil's technology? She wasn't sure.

When everything corrected itself, she was standing in a pub. She recognized it right away. It was the pub just down the street from the company building, and they had come here a year prior for Dr. Vazquez's birthday. Neil's backpack was tossed haphazardly against the bottom of the bar beneath his own stool, half open.

The sound of loud chatter was hard to hear, and Eva momentarily freezes the memory around her. The noise and all the moving silhouettes die instantly.

Roxie glances over at her, and Eva takes a deep breath, sitting down at the closest chair and putting her head in her hands.

"How you holding up?" Roxie asks, sliding into the seat in front of her and placing her palm flat on the table.

"I don't know if I can do this." Eva mutters.

"Hey, hey, it'll be okay." Roxie says, trying to offer her a smile. She puts a hand on her arm. The computer tells Eva's brain that her skin brings warmth, but it feels artificial.

A moment to catch her breath. Eva heaves a deep sigh, covering her eyes for a moment. Roxie continues on in a softer voice. "I don't want to rush you, dearie, but I don't know how long this machine will hold us, and I don't want to find out what happens if it short circuits while we're inside."

Yeah, that was a fair point. As much as she wanted to, she didn't have the luxury of taking her time while plugged into the machine. If they stay in here too long, they might get some kind of irreversible brain damage. That's enough incentive for her. _Grow up, you need to be the adult right now._ Eva finally straightens her shoulders, taking a deep breath.

"You're right, Roxie." She finally says, forcing herself to numbly stand up. "Sorry."

Roxie offers her a sympathetic smile, rising with her and putting a hand on her back. "We can do this." Her grin somehow brings _some_ comfort to Eva, who now feels a newfound amount of energy to sustain her for a little bit. She tells herself that she should be more thankful to have a friend like Roxanne Winters.

Forcing herself to play back the memory, she leads the two of them over to the bar where most of the Sigmund Corp employees were gathered around, laughing and joking about one thing or another. Eva hardly has any memory of this party now that she thinks about it. She hadn't felt like drinking anything, and she remembers spending the whole night fighting the desire to leave and go home.

But there she was, leaning against the bar with her eyes on Eddie, who was telling the rest of the group a funny story about one of his patients. Everyone was laughing except for Neil, who was sitting next to Eva with a drink in his hands, looking bored to death, but also slightly tipsy. His face had a slight flush to it.

Eventually, he glanced over at the group with an unreadable expression before slipping out of his stool and heading towards the bathroom.

"He never was one for social gatherings, was he?" Roxie mutters, but Eva detects something else at play here. They follow him towards the bathroom entrance, and she's the first to catch that his hand is in his pocket, cradling his bottle of pills. They don't follow him in.

"Well." Eva heaves a breath. "That's true, but now a lot of other things make more sense. Why he tends to duck out at random times, and then returns without a real reason why."

Roxie hums in agreement. But then Eva remembers something. "That's not all that happened this night, though."

"No? What else?" Roxie inquires.

She doesn't have to explain it. Neil stumbles out of the bathroom a few moments later, looking bored, and then takes his glasses off to clear away a smudge. As soon as he does so, he trips over a chair that had been sticking out too far, stumbling forward and fighting for balance wordlessly. He doesn't make a sound as his glasses fly out of his hand and skid across the ground several feet away.

Eva hears herself laugh from the bar. "You alright, Neil?"

"I'm fine." He mutters, dusting himself off and standing up. But then he cringes as he hears a crunch of glass, looking up.

Well, he wasn't _looking_ per se, as his eyes were squinted and he was kneeling on the floor without proper sight. But the sound of someone stepping on his glasses was unmistakable, and there's a hesitation before he hears one of the other customers say "whoops" and pick up the glasses between their fingers.

Neil groans, slapping his hand against his forehead. "Seriously? Are you kidding me right now?"

"Sorry, man." The silhouette says, handing him his broken glasses while Neil's co-workers laugh, sliding out of their stools to approach the scene. The memory of Eva is chuckling, walking towards Neil with purpose to give him an arm up.

"I just got these new ones!" He sputtered, letting Eva slip an arm under his elbow and guide him to his feet. "I can't believe this."

The customer, who seemed to have been drunk, wanders away without saying another word. Neil grumbles to himself. He tries to put them back on his face, but the lenses had fallen out entirely, and the frame had been bent.

Neil Watts curses underneath his breath.

"Alright, come on, I think it's time to go home." Eva had said to him that night, helping guide him towards the door. "I'll drive you, since you're, y'know, blind."

He doesn't say anything after that. Eva reaches down and scoops up his backpack, keeping an arm on his elbow to guide him out the door. She remembered being in a better mood after having an excuse to leave, and it showed in her face. For some reason, she hadn't been enjoying herself that night.

"Have you ever thought about using contacts?" She had said to him as they exit the building.

"Alright, I'll collect the memory links, you look for the memento." Roxie says, turning to start searching the area. Eva watches after her, blinking, before she spins on her heel and walks after them out the front door.

"Your spare glasses were smashed too?" She hears her voice say as she steps outside.

"Everyone around me is an idiot, and they keep stepping on them!" He claims, waving his arms dramatically and smacking his right hand against the car door. He hisses a curse and yanks it back, cradling it against his chest.

"Graceful." Eva says, barely looking up as she slips into the car. "Do you think the optometrist will be open at this time of night?"

"Not a chance."

Eva receives a memory link. She makes a mental note to tell Roxie that she has one of them, but then she notices something. As Neil gets into the car, he's clumsy as he does so, unable to read the depth of where he's directing himself. His jacket pocket bangs against the side of the car, tossing his pill bottle out of it and onto the parking lot ground with a clatter.

Noticing that he had just dropped them, he whirls around, squinting at the ground in an attempt to find the shape of it. But then Eva says something to him from inside the car, and it seems as though he had decided to ditch it to maintain normalcy, shutting the car door and allowing Eva to back up the car and leave.

Eva walks over to the discarded bottle, standing above it. She takes a long moment of hesitation, staring down at it, trying to bring herself to touch it, to see if this was the memento. Eventually, she squats down, crossing her arms as she reads the side of the bottle to fuel her curiosity.

"Hey Eva?" Roxie calls out to her. "Did you get a memory link?"

"I did." She calls back, and her friend approaches from behind.

"Is that the memento?" Roxanne comes to a halt beside her, squatting down next to her. Relieving Eva from having to do so, she reaches out and presses her hand against the pill bottle, watching as the bubble forms around it. "Alright, let's move on." She says, allowing traversal.

The leap that follows is a large one.

Eva remembers this place vividly. The nursing home was quiet, save for the ambience of the light fixtures in the ceiling. She and Roxie exchange a glance before watching the hazy memory of Neil and Eva exit one of the rooms. In Neil's arms is their registered machine, and Eva's face looks crestfallen.

The two memories drag their feet down the hallway, with their shoulders slumped. They didn't speak a word.

"Our first independent case." Eva says offhandedly to her friend.

"It doesn't look like it went well by the look of your long faces."

"Actually, no. It was a success." Eva says softly, and Roxie turns to look at her with curiosity.

The two of them step outside, and they watch from afar as they pack the car back up. "This was just… the first time we had a particularly heartbreaking case. I forgot how taxing this job could be on people who hadn't had experience with it yet. A lot of emotions, not to mention the amount of death you end up witnessing. In memories and in real life."

"Ohh, don't I know it." Roxie folds her hands in front of her, watching with a sad look. "I remember my first case under the guidance of a senior agent on the field. I remembered crying my eyes out after our patient passed."

"I'm sure most of us did our first time." Eva comments, watching the shadows of her memory.

They gain a memory link, and then the timeline shifts slightly forward. Now in the car with the two of them, Eva and Roxie sit in the back seat, watching the two memories of Neil and Eva sit in silence.

When the memory of Eva buries her head in her hands, Neil glances over at her, but says nothing as he drives. More silence follows, and Roxie leans forward, watching intently.

"I don't know if I can do this as a career." Eva suddenly whispers between her fingers, and Neil swivels his head around.

"What, just because of one sad case?" He asks, turning back to the road.

Eva sniffles. "We'll have a lot more like these."

"We went through so much to get here, though." Neil says to her, shaking his head. "You can't be serious about wanting to throw it all away now."

"I don't know." She rests her elbow against the car door and leans her head against the palm of her hand. "How are you not… upset by all of this? Mrs. Fields lost _so many_ people in her life. She had to suffer through so much. I can't bear to think about what that must have been like."

"And what did we do? We gave her a happy ending." Neil replies, leaning back in his seat and dropping his shoulders. "That's why I don't feel so sad. Because she died without all that pain, and she believed she had people by her side."

The memory of Eva opens her mouth, but then says nothing. But the Eva in the backseat knew what she was going to say.

 _But it's all fake. We lied to her._

She didn't say it then, and she won't say it now. She just watches solemnly as the two of them drive on. They receive another memory link.

The car stops at some point, and they all climb out onto the parkinglot of Sigmund Corp. The memory of Neil pops the trunk, and that's when Eva thinks she knows what the memento is. She freezes the memory and walks towards the boot with Roxie on her tail.

Pressing a hand against the equipment, she sees a bubble form around it, confirming her suspicions.

"Alright, let's move it." Roxie says, and the two of them press on. Eva nods wordlessly.


	6. Chapter 6

It was the first time Neil had laid eyes on the equipment of Sigmund Corporation.

He was walking through the company building with a group of college graduates his age. If Eva were to guess, she assumed that they were about twenty-four in this memory. His fingers are grasping the rope keeping the audience from the machine, staring with wide eyes behind his glasses.

Eva sees herself standing father back with her arms crossed, looking at other things in the building. She remembers this scene. This was their walk to the room where they'd take their entrance exam to the company.

"That's incredible!" He tells the man leading them at one point. "What else can it do?"

"Currently, it's only purpose is to traverse memories and alter them."

He spins around towards him, looking wary. "You mean, you're not still experimenting on the technology?"

"We are." He confirms in response. "However, this is not an experimental building. This is the agency created to utilize this established equipment."

"I thought you hired technicians?"

"We do, for maintenance, coding, and to keep an eye on the machine while you are drafted. Since this is such a technological breakthrough, we have technicians paired with our traversal agents to make sure you both are safe at all times. Should the machine have problems, there is no waste in fixing it, as there will be a technician on site." He nods towards Neil. "If you are hired as a technician here, you will mostly focus on maintaining the machine's integrity while out on cases with a traversal agent."

Neil says no more, turning back to the machine. "Can we demo it?"

"Absolutely not."

"How come?"

"Because the machine causes irreversible brain damage. We use this equipment on patients who are on their way out of this world for a reason."

The rest of the students waiting to move on looked like they were getting sick of standing there listening to Neil interrogate the man. Eventually, he had decided he had enough as well, turning to walk away. "Now, the testing room will be just up the elevator, so stick together."

Neil lingered as the group began to walk on, looking between them and the technology sitting in front of him. It was one of the more pristine models, new and shiny and untouched, only used for exampling purposes. After a moment of hesitation, he lets go of the rope and chases after the rest of the people.

Eva and Roxie follow suit in silence, looking around at the building. It looked a lot different than it did when they started their employment, that was for sure. Down the halls towards the elevator, the group of young adults pack into the elevator and make their way to the testing room.

"It's no wonder he remembers this day. This was one of the most terrifying days of my life." Roxie mutters, almost wistfully.

"Mine as well." Eva agrees. The scene cuts forward a bit without any real warning, bringing them into the classroom. By the look of it, the students were halfway through the test, heads bowed in deep concentration. Eva could just pick up a faint whispering that sounds familiar, and it's coming from the back of the classroom.

"What's the answer to twenty-seven?" Neil whispers under his breath as Eva gets within range of the two memories. He's constantly looking up at the professor hosting the test in a silent plea that he wouldn't look over at them.

" _Neil_." Eva hisses back, looking angry. "Come on, you should know this stuff!"

"Please Eva!" He pleads, giving her a sad face that she just couldn't refuse. "I'm begging you! I don't want to fail!"

"You won't fail."

"But I will! And then you'll get the job without me! It'll be tragic!"

"Fine, it's B." She whispers back, looking up at the professor. She has venom in her voice. "Now stop asking me before we get kicked out of here!"

"It's not my fault the questions are phrased to confuse us!"

"Funny, because I seem to be doing just fine!"

"Do I hear chatter?" The professor asks the class, and Neil and Eva clamp their mouths shut. No one responds. "Let me remind you that talking is not tolerated within this room during testing. If I hear another voice, I'm failing the entire class."

Eva glares daggers at Neil, who merely shrugs.

If Roxie had an opinion on their shenanigans, she didn't comment. Instead, the two of them began to scout the room for a memento, falling silent with the constant scratching of pencils on paper filling the room.

"I think I found it Roxie," Eva says after a moment, nearing where Neil was bubbling in another answer on his answer sheet. She looks down at his feet, where he had discarded a spiral notebook that had been full of notes. "I think it's his notebook."

Eva reaches out and brushes it with her finger, allowing the bubble to form around it.

As soon as she does so, Roxie sharply inhales through her teeth and reels backwards, holding her head in her hands.

"Roxie? What's wrong?" Eva asks, startled. She takes a step towards her, her arm outstretched, but her friend doesn't seem to notice her.

Roxanne begins to pant, her eyes screwed shut and her breaths coming out shallow. She keeps the palms of her hands pressed against her head as if to hold it together, to keep it stable, to keep herself from shattering to pieces. A painful cry erupts between her lips and she falls to her knees.

"Roxie!" Eva calls out to her, unsure of what to do. She feels herself frozen in terror. Roxie holds her breath for a moment, and then removes one hand to press the eject on her console. Eva watches as she glitches out of existence, back to reality, and then she too follows suit, feeling nothing short of complete terror.

 _Thud, thud, thud._

Was that Eva's heart? It was pounding right in her ears like a drum.

It takes a moment for the machine to pull her out, but as soon as she feels the familiar darkness behind the visor and realness of her own body, she yanks the helmet off of herself and swings out of her seat, tossing it haphazardly behind her. Roxie has done the same, except she is on all fours on the cold tile floor, her breaths coming shakily. Sweat is beading on her forehead, and there are tears in her eyes.

Eva's heart is thundering in her chest. "Roxie?" Her voice is a mere squeak. She can't move.

"Roxanne, look at me. Roxie." Rob is trying to say, kneeling down next to her with concern on his face. "Say something."

Rob begins rubbing circles in her back, trying to rouse her to look up. Eva is prepared to call in a doctor, but after a few moments, Roxie curls her hands into fists and pulls her head up slightly. "You alright?" Rob asks, leaning over her.

She coughs twice, and then rubs at her face with the back of her hand. "I'm okay." She finally manages to sputter out between breaths, and all at once, Eva feels her nerves relax. "I'm okay, I'm fine, I just… I think my helmet malfunctioned." She takes a deep, shaky breath.

"What do you think happened?" Eva asks quietly, crossing her arms to keep her hands from shaking.

"I… I don't know. I'll have to take a look." She sits up, pressing her hands against her knees as she catches her breath. There's a few silent moments filled only by Neil's heart monitor in the corner and Roxie's shallow breaths, though as the seconds pass, she gets her breathing under control.

Looking up at Eva, she musters a weak smile. "I think it's time for a break, yeah? I think we should get some food."

Eva can't bring herself to do anything else but nod. Rob offers Roxie his hand and she takes it gratefully, rising to her feet.

As soon as she straightens up, her knees buckle, and Rob reaches out to steady her just before she can fall. There's a daze in her eyes, and she looks like she's going to be sick. "Hey, just sit down." He says calmly, guiding her back into the chair she had been sitting in. "Eva can bring you some food. You need to relax."

Roxie sighs, swiping sweat off her forehead. "Okay, dearie." She says, but there's less heart to it this time. She looks exhausted.

Biting her lip, Eva stares down at her for a moment with her arms crossed, and then looks back up at Neil, who is still deathly silent in his bed.

This was a mess.

Eva steps into the hallway light of the hospital and retreats through the double doors, hoping to escape, even if only for a moment. She fights the tears in her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

When Eva walks outside, she feels her mental clock go haywire. A large part of her could have sworn it was dark out. Perhaps Three AM. One could imagine her shock when she walks out of the automatic front doors to Three PM daylight. How long had it been since she stepped through the doors of the hospital, and back into the real world?

And then an irrational part of her mind becomes angry. How dare it be so bright and sunny on a day like this? A day with her partner down for the count, and her colleague coming mere seconds close to permanent brain damage?

Eva Rosalene fights the tears in her eyes by rubbing at them. She had hoped the fresh air would help, but all it could do was stir her emotions.

It should be raining. Overcast at the least. Not this sunny warmth.

Why couldn't the world share some shred of sympathy?

How dare he do this?

How could he?

And now she's angry. If only she could choke his stupid pride for keeping him from getting medical help. Things could have been different.

Holding her head in her hands, she lets herself sit and process and think and contemplate. This memory traversal idea had to work. It had to. She wasn't sure what she would do without him, and she had no other options in her head. There wasn't a single part of her that could sit and do nothing.

This had to work.

.

When she returns half an hour later, she comes bearing food.

When she steps into the room, the atmosphere feels a lot less hopeless, and instead, there's a brightness to it. It's almost reinvigorating in a way. When she turns towards the spare chair against the wall of the room, she spots Roxie, who has regained some of the color in her cheeks, and her helmet is perched in her lap with a screwdriver nestled in her hand. When she looks up, she smiles, genuinely enthusiastic to see her. "Oh thank you, Eva! You can put it right there, and I'll eat it up in a minute." She gestures with the screwdriver at the side table next to the chair.

Eva drops off her food, and then takes a seat in the machine's chair, keeping her legs swung to the side to hold her own meal securely. "Where'd Rob go?"

"He went to get me some supplies from the car. He should be back soon."

"How's it looking?" She asks as casually as she dares, twisting the fork in her hand. She doesn't have much of an appetite, but she knows she needs to keep her energy up if she was going to do this.

"It's not too bad at all." Roxie responds with a smile. She picks up the helmet and turns the damage towards Eva. She presses her ankles together and holds her shoulders up, looking twenty times better than the way Eva had left her. "One of the panels came loose. I'm just tightening a few pieces, and I'm going to replace one of the wires real quick to be safe. Once I get that squared away, we can dive back in."

"You... want to go back in?"

"Of course!" She grins, pressing her ankles together. "I'm not going to let this little technicality get in the way. Neil needs us. Besides, if I didn't go with you, who would?"

"Uhh, Rob maybe?" Eva suggests, feeling a pang of concern.

Roxie laughs, shaking her head. "No, I wouldn't make him do something like this. This requires a lot of risk, and that doesn't scare me."

Eva blinks as she shoves another mouthful of salad between her lips. "Does that scare _him_?"

"In a way, yes." Roxie puts the helmet down next to her and picks up her meal from where Eva had left it. "He's always been the one to do everything safe and by the books. Gets anxious when we do stuff that could be dangerous, y'know? But if I back out, he'll feel obligated to take my place. And I'm not going to put him in that position."

She continues eating happily, and Eva can only stare, amazed. "That's very kind of you." Is all Eva can say, looking down at her food. She's still trying to find her appetite.

"It's nothing compared to what you're doing." Roxie points out, smiling with a mouthful of food. "Even if both of us backed out, you'd still dive right back in. I always knew the two of you were partnered for a reason."

"I mean… we were partnered because we knew each other, and we were starting at the same time." Eva points out, twisting the lettuce absent-mindedly.

"Mmm, I think it's much more than that." She swallows her food. "You two just work in sync. It's almost scary sometimes how strong your mental links are. In some ways, it makes me a bit jealous."

She'd never really looked at it that way before. Eva doesn't look up, and instead takes another bite to have an excuse not to speak.

"We're making good progress." Roxie goes on after swallowing. "Especially since we don't have an entire lifetime to go through. We may very well pull this off. And if we do, do you realize how many other people we can help with this technology?"

Eva stops, getting lost in thought. Roxanne looks over at the helmet she had been tweaking. "I mean… seriously! If we manage to do this, this could open up doors to so many different technological and medical advances. We could really be making a difference here. Can you imagine it?"

That hadn't been on her mind, but Eva tries to think about it now. And her colleague was right. Her thoughts span over what this could mean for the medical community, and how many people struggling with addictions could be helped. Or even any health issue. "I can." Eva says after a moment, nodding her head. "But first, we need to make sure it actually works, and that we can help Neil out of this mess."

"I one hundred percent agree with you." Roxie grins, tapping her face with a napkin before tossing it into the tray.

When Rob finally returns, Eva forces herself to take one more bite before tossing the rest to the side. Roxie returns to fixing her helmet, and Eva tries to close her eyes for a few minutes and de-stress. There's a whirlwind of a storm in her mind, and she releases a heavy sigh, lost in thoughts that won't leave her alone.

But eventually, Roxie tells Eva that they're all set, and that they can return to Neil's memories once more. Part of her doesn't want to admit how relieved she is that Roxie is going back into the machine with her. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to do this alone, no matter how much she wanted to.

There is a very big part of her that is terrified.

Eva says goodbye to the real world again, but this time with fear in her chest.

The presence of another person in Neil's mind is enough strength for Eva, and as they boot back into the classroom, she waits for Roxie to load back in before she begins anything. The blonde fizzles in next to her, and flashes her an enthusiastic smile. "Ready to pick back up?" She asks, and Eva relaxes a little bit. At least her helmet seems to be working now.

"Ready." Eva confirms, and they break the memento.

Eva can't find it in herself to focus now. She's too distracted, keeping an eye on Roxie to make sure she's safe, but also because she can't tear her gaze away when she sees Neil, and each time it makes her nervous for more reasons than one.

But her mind is so far away. They practically fly through the college years because she isn't paying attention anymore. She's more concerned about when they'll reach High School. They go through scenes of Neil running through his college campus to get to his class on time, of times when he and Eva hung out, and even that time Neil drunkenly climbed onto the roof of his dorm house, with Eva shouting behind him to get down.

Somewhere in the depths of her thoughts, Eva wants to laugh at the picture. She never thought she'd relive this moment again. She watches as Neil looks down and screams, frozen until she had climbed up after him and pulled him down. What an idiot.

There's a fondness in her chest she can't shake seeing these moments again.

The memories carry on.

Eventually, Roxie places a hand on Eva's shoulder, tearing her away from her thoughts. They're standing in Neil's college dorm, and the recollections of Neil and Eva are lounging on a couch. Eva is wrapped up in something on a laptop while Neil is playing video games, and the traversal agent can't help but pick up on the immense familiarity of this memory.

She feels so nostalgic in this place.

"How long have you two been friends?" Roxie inquires, curious now.

"Since High School." Eva musters, which is one of the things that was really bothering her. He had been hiding this addiction since that early on. It was almost surreal to think about.

"And you never knew?" Roxie was speaking her thoughts aloud.

"I didn't." Eva says, unable to find the energy to tell her about her suspicions in the past.

The rest of the college memories blur by, but they're as good as forgotten by the end of the rope, because now, they're in the memories they really care about. And Eva can't stop the dread from drowning her within her own chest, nor can she explain the uneasiness wrapping around her shoulders.

High School.


	8. Chapter 8

Graduation.

Somehow, Eva remembers it all too well.

Making their way to the football field, Roxie and Eva glance at the crowd of students in the rows and rows of endless chairs. They're frozen in time, just a hazy afterthought, and there are shadows all throughout the scene. They could spot Neil and Eva in the crowd of memories, standing in line as they wait for their names to be called.

"Neil Watts." The announcer says into the microphone.

Neil springs up towards the stage, reaching out to take his diploma and shake the hand of the presenter passing out diplomas. As soon as he does so, Neil whips out his phone, turning it towards the audience to take a selfie with the class behind him. He lets out a cheer while the teachers on stage shake their heads in shame. And as he walks off, there's a grin on his face.

"I remember that." Eva mutters fondly.

"Aww, now there's a smile." Roxie says, turning towards Eva. She places her hands on her hips, and Eva gives her a funny look. "I was wondering when you'd crack."

"What do you mean?" Eva asks.

"Most of Neil's memories are of him and you, or at least experiences you both went through together. I'd be feeling pretty nostalgic flying back through my past again. You have that wistful look on your face."

Unable to really find a response to that, Eva shakes her head and presses on.

"How does it feel?"

"Rox…"

"No, I'm serious. I don't know if I'd ever get a chance to relive stuff like this. How does it make you feel?"

Eva hesitates, looking at the ground. "It… makes me feel a bit sad I guess, when I think about why we're here. But it's also kind of nice seeing these moments again."

Roxie hums, smiling at the graduation scene. "I bet. When did you two meet, anyway?"

"Well, we knew of each other since late middle school I suppose." She thinks to herself. "But we didn't become friends until we were partnered for a chemistry project midway through the tenth grade."

"Chemistry? How ironic."

"Hey." Eva warns her, pointing a finger in her direction.

"And how exactly did this chemistry project go?"

"All I remember is accidentally catching our classmate's shirt on fire."

" _Eva_!" Roxie gasps, her grin wide. "You didn't!"

"We did." Eva laughs for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

"I sincerely hope we cross that memory, then, because I'd _love_ to see that."

"I'm sure you would, Roxie."

The two of them step into the gym after that. There are rows and rows of white chairs lined in order at the left side of the gym. This was where the High School students had been sitting before they marched out onto the football field, and it looked barren and empty now that they had been cycled out into the daylight.

But the scene wasn't entirely deserted. Instead, there was Neil, sitting on the opposite end of the gym. His back was to the wall, and he was dressed in his graduation gown, his gaze looking down. The gown looked to be two sizes too big, and his hat is sitting on the floor next to him. Eva watches as he unscrews the lid of his painkillers bottle. Taking some for himself, he swallows and leans the back of his head against the gym wall, screwing it back closed and shutting his eyes.

"Neil?" Eva hears her own voice echo in the gym. His head immediately snapped up, and he shoves the medication into his pocket.

"Eva? What are you doing?" He asks.

"I could ask you the same question." She returns, walking towards him. Eva and Roxie follow her over to the wall, where she sits down next to him and looks at him with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Pfff, what makes you think something's wrong?" He flashes a smile, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose so that it reflects the gym light.

"Quit trying to do the anime thing with your glasses and look at me." Eva snaps, and his smile drops. "We're all taking pictures outside. Why did you take off?"

"Since when have you known me to be one that likes pictures?" He asks, looking a bit frustrated now. "Too many people out there. I just wanted some quiet."

"You've looked like a kicked puppy all day."

"Are you calling me cute?" He smirks, but her serious face is apparently too strong. He sighs and leans his head back up against the wall. "Seriously, it's nothing. I just don't like crowds."

"Are you afraid of graduating?"

There's a curt laughter that erupts from his throat, and he shakes his head. "Not on your life. I've been waiting for this my whole life. I'm ready to get out of this prison. College life, here I come!"

"Then what is it?"

Silence.

Neither of them say a word. Eva's expression softens after a moment, and then she frowns, as if something had been bugging her for a while. "Neil… where's your family?"

There's a moment where the only thing heard was the ambience of the gym lights. Neil's expression is unreadable for a few precious seconds, but then he shrugs, as if the question hadn't bothered him. "They couldn't get off work today." He says simply, now fiddling with his graduation cap.

"I'm sorry." Eva offers, but Neil shrugs again with an assuring smile, looking over at her.

"Nah, it's not a big deal."

"But…"

"Trust me, Eva, that doesn't bother me."

The moments tick by again, and this time Eva is looking away, lost in thought. When she turns back, she takes off her cap as well and holds it between her hands, fiddling with the strings. "Do you feel any different after graduating?" She asks, changing the subject.

"Not really."

"Me neither."

"You're still set on studying psychology, right?"

Eva looks back to him, and their gazes meet. She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip, and then looks down again. "Well… yes, but, I've been looking into Sigmund Corporation for a while now."

"Isn't that the memory changing company?"

"That's one way to put it I guess."

"What does that have to do with psychology?"

She puts her cap down and uses her arms to gesture. "Basically you go backwards through the memories of a dying patient, and then you have to figure out how to alter their life so that they die thinking they lived the way they wished they had. There's psychology in studying the person's life and analyzing what's best for them, I suppose. So, yeah, I'll be studying Psychology so I can apply for that."

Neil makes a soft hum as he listens, and then Eva goes on. "Have you thought about what you want to study?"

"Something in the realm of technology." He says, shrugging. "That's all I'm good at, really."

"Y'know, Sigmund Corp hires technicians."

His gaze looks up at her, and she can just see a sparkle in his eyes behind his glasses. "Really?"

"Yeah." She replies, offering him a smile. "At least, I think they do. I saw it on their website. They need technicians for the machines the agents use to go through the memories."

The silence that follows this time is less awkward. Neil is thinking to himself, and Eva is waiting for some sort of response. But before either of them could say another word, Eva's phone buzzes and she fishes it out of her pocket. "Ahh, my dad's looking for me." She says forlornly, moving to stand up.

"Mmm." Neil responds, not looking at her.

Eva waits a second, and then holds her hand out to him. "Y'know, my family wants pictures of me and my friends. They'd probably want you there too."

Neil looks at her hand, pressing his lips together in a thin line, and then shakes his head. "No, you go on ahead. That's your family time."

"It's everyone's time." She says, frowning. "Neil, you and I just graduated, not them."

"I'm good."

"Neil."

She keeps her hand out, now glaring daggers at him. Eventually, he exhales and takes her hand, rising to his feet. The motion brings out a smile from Eva, and the two of them exit the gym together.

"What a memorable graduation." Roxie says softly, looking towards Eva for a reaction.

"Yeah." Is all she can say.


	9. Chapter 9

"He played the triangle?"

"Huh. I guess he wasn't joking."

"You mean you didn't know?"

"He never told me." Eva crosses her arms, looking at where Neil was standing in the band room. "And I never went to any of their band concerts."

"Wait, seriously? Not even any football games?"

"Not really my thing."

"Oh. …Why is his leg in a cast?"

Eva blinks, and then she gives Roxie a side-glance, realizing that she needed to continue providing context to her. "Oh, right. This was aftermath of the car crash he mentioned. He was pretty banged up from it."

"Well… a broken leg doesn't seem too bad." Roxie points out, pursing her lips. "The way he said it made it sound like it was terrible."

"That was the last of the casts and bandages he could get off." Eva says, walking across the room to where he was holding his triangle up, cleaning it. "This is at the very end of his recovery. If we ever do see the memory of us catching a classmate's shirt on fire, you should know that it happened because he tried to present the project without his crutches and he fell, knocking over the small flame that was supposed to be heating chemicals."

"Ouch." Roxie mutters, cracking a small smile.

"Yeah."

There's more to get to, so they wrap up the memory and continue on.

The memories keep coming. Eva's taking a lot of it in, now, trying to concentrate to figure out where they were heading, and how much farther they had to go. Most of the memories took place either at school or in the city. Surprisingly, they never did make it to the memory of Neil's chemistry mistake.

However, one of the memories did take them to the first time he and Eva met up for said project. They were alone in the science lab, with Eva carrying supplies and Neil entering the classroom on crutches, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else than there.

He stops at the table and Eva stands up, holding her hand out to him in greeting.

"Neil, right?"

"Yep."

"…I'm Eva."

"I know."

"…Okay."

He never did shake her hand. She pulls it back towards herself self-consciously and turns away.

While the two of them sat down at one of the tables, pulling out their assignment sheets, Roxie rolls her eyes. "Oh Eva, this is the most exciting memory I've ever laid eyes on. You guys had such a dramatic introduction. So memorable. I need to write down this dialog for a future book, this is gold stuff."

"Shut up." Eva laughs after a second, shaking her head at her. "We're not exactly the most eloquent people you've met in your life."

"Tell me about it. I've met gerbils with more emotional depth than you two."

Chukling, Eva moves on.

The memories had so far been pretty lighthearted, Eva noticed. Some funny memories, some good jokes, and aside from the moments where he uses his painkillers, things had been pretty safe.

Which is why when their next memory brings them to his house, the atmosphere changes entirely. Eva holds her breath, because now they're in unfamiliar territory to her.

"Have you never been to his house before?" Roxie asks after a moment of silence, noticing the change of attitude in her colleague. They're standing in a bare hallway, with no wall decorations and a few doors lining the edges.

"Never." Eva responds, watching as Neil appears at the end of the hallway.

It was almost as if a switch had been flipped. All the positive emotions Eva had been feeling are blown out like a candle. He looked _bad_ in this memory. Really bad. He was covered in bandages and casts, including a brace around his neck, and he was relying on his crutches to move about. His shoulders sagged as though he were in pain, or perhaps he was just tired. He takes a few steps down the hallway, and he stops at another door, leaning his shoulder against it.

Roxie and Eva watch, transfixed, as he takes a deep breath and reaches out towards the doorknob of the room, pressing his fingers against the surface of it. But before he turns it, voices arise from behind the door and he stops. He hobbles forward a few inches and presses his ear up to the door, listening.

"Becca…" Came a masculine voice, sounding stressed.

"I can't. I can't do this, Louis." A response carries through, this time feminine. "You need to look into getting a different job. I'm serious. We can't afford these hospital bills!" She stops, her voice wavering at the end.

Neil's face, instead of looking surprised, just becomes downcast. He shoves his hands into his pockets and just stands at the door, listening absent-mindedly as though this were routine.

"Then why don't you get another job, huh?" His father's voice responds. "Yours doesn't do much to help anything!"

"I can't, Louis!"

"There's no reason you can't, you're just afraid to!"

The fighting continues between them for a long while. Eventually, Neil turns so that his back is pressed up against the wall, and his expression is unreadable. After a moment, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of painkillers.

For a long time, he stands there, studying it. Reading it. Transfixed on its paper wrapping as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. He doesn't open it, nor does he put it away.

"Neil?"

The agents, who had been watching intently, turn their heads, and what Eva sees is something she never would have expected to find in these memories. A small child, probably about eleven, is standing in one of the doorways, peeking out. Her light brown hair is up in pigtails, and she too is wearing glasses.

"What are you doing up, Sarah?" Neil mutters softly, pocketing the pills and hobbling towards her. His voice sounds much more somber now, and it's so unlike him that it's making Eva's hands shake. The clock on the wall read One AM.

"Are they fighting again?" The small girl asks, rasping her knuckles against the wall next to her doorway.

"Yes, now go back to bed." He says, stopping at her door.

"Have you tried talking to them?"

"That wouldn't do any good. I'm the one that made them angry this time."

She blinks. "What do you mean?"

Neil sighs, pressing a hand against the bridge of his nose, looking as though he regretted speaking. "Nothing. I'm going to bed, and so should you. You have school tomorrow."

Sarah frowns, looking down at the ground. Neil begins to walk past her, moving slowly on his crutches. "Why do they keep fighting?" She suddenly asks, and Neil stops in the hallway without turning around.

A moment of silence. He eventually turns his head as far to the side as he can with the brace, addressing her indirectly, but his sister is hanging on to every word. "Because money stresses them out."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't have enough, you can't survive."

"Oh."

She fiddles with the hem of her shirt, looking a bit out of her depth. Neil makes a movement to start walking away again, but then she cuts back in. "Did the hospital cost a lot of money?" She asks.

"Yeah."

"Are they mad about that?"

"Yes."

"Are they mad at you?"

There's a long silence. Neil looks forward again, lost in thought, letting the ticking clock fill the air. Neither of them say a word for a long time until eventually, his jaw tightens, and he looks ahead. "They should be."

"Why?"

And then he's walking away. Sarah says nothing else to this, and instead just frowns after him, pressing her cheek against the doorframe. Eva and Roxie follow behind him, but Eva takes one backwards glance at the little girl before she shuts her door behind her with a click, accepting that the conversation was now over.

"…I didn't know Neil had a sister." Roxie mentions this quietly, even though the world interaction was off. It felt wrong to speak at normal levels in a place like this.

"I never knew, either." Eva replied, a bit forlorn. _What else are you hiding from me, Neil?_

As they walk in, he's screwing his pill bottle lid back on, having already taken a dosage. He sighs, leaning back against the wall with his eyes closed, rubbing one of his temples. A few moments of silence follow, and Eva sighs, turning towards her colleague.

"Alright, let's find the memento and move on."

"Do you think this is what he meant?"

Eva stops dead in her tracks, meeting her friend's eyes. They were more serious than she had ever seen from Roxanne Winters. "Meant about what?"

"He said the pills helped with 'other things'." Roxie comments, crossing her arms. "I know we're not supposed to jump to conclusions on the job, but with the way Sarah put it, their parents fought a lot. And the car crash might have just made it worse on them, causing him to start abusing the painkillers because they made him feel less guilty about the hospital bills."

Eva doesn't know how to react to this. "I… I…"

"Come on, we won't know for sure until we keep going." Roxie immediately follows with a sigh, putting a hand on Eva's shoulder and shaking her head. "But I can't say I'm looking forward to what's coming next."

Her voice comes out a mere whisper. "Me neither."


	10. Chapter 10

Neil is sitting in his room playing on a handheld console when they shifted into the next memory. The room is fairly silent save for the clicks and sound effects from his game, and he's lost in concentration with his tongue between his bared teeth.

The first thing Eva notices is that he's no longer in casts. Which meant they had moved to before the car crash. It leaves a feeling of fear in her chest that she will have to witness it in this memory, but she doesn't have a chance to say anything before there's a knock at his door, startling him out of the game.

"What?" He calls over, annoyed.

"Can you come to the kitchen, Neil?" Came his mother's voice.

"Why?"

"Because your father and I need to talk to you."

Neil huffs, rolling his eyes and tossing the game onto his bed. But there's a look on his face that tells Eva he's worried about something. He takes two strides towards his door and swings it open, loudly bounding across the house towards the kitchen. Eva and Roxie exchange a glance before walking after him.

When Neil reaches the kitchen, he stops in the doorway, narrowing his eyes. His father and mother are sitting at their table, both with unreadable expressions. "Neil, honey, sit down please."

He tightens his lips, pocketing his hands. "I'm fine standing."

His mother doesn't say anything to this. His father takes charge, leaning forward at the table. "Neil, this is important, and we need you to sit down."

"Just tell me." He retorts, sounding impatient.

They exchange a glance. Finally, his father looks up at him, and Eva can see the seriousness in his expression. "We got a call from the hospital last night, Neil. Your grandfather passed away in his sleep."

Silence.

Neil's expression doesn't change.

 _"Y'know, when I was a kid, my grandpa took me stargazing every year."_

 _"…Yeah?"_

 _"There was a hill outside of the city that we'd stay at. Same one every year. We'd watch the stars 'till daybreak."_

The memory comes suddenly into her mind.

There's a silence so thick that Eva thought she could cut it with a knife. Unable to help herself, she holds her breath, feeling the weight of the world suddenly press down on her chest.

Eva wonders is this was the same grandfather.

It had to be.

Neil crosses his arms, and his jaw tightens. It takes him a moment of silence and processing, and it looks as though he wants to run. But then he furrows his eyebrows and speaks the next few words between his teeth.

"Well I guess that solves everything then, huh?"

That wasn't the response they seemed to have expected. Eva wasn't quite prepared for such an answer, either, and her heart drops, startled. His parents' eyes widen, and they sit up in their seats. "What do you mean, Neil?" His mother asks in a meek voice after a shocked pause.

"I mean, you don't have to worry about paying for a nursing home anymore, right?" An expression crosses his face that Eva recognizes as absolute anger. "Since that seemed to be the only thing you cared about."

"Neil!" His mother stands up, looking angry. "That isn't-"

"It is true!" He takes his hands out of his pockets and crosses his arms. Now the air has changed, and Neil seems to be holding the torch. "Now that grandpa's gone, you guys can finally stop worrying about your finances, right? I bet this is a huge relief for you!"

His father stands up, looking angry, but now Neil is pissed. His hands are balled at his sides, and he's baring his teeth, speaking before his parents have a chance to. "You never cared about grandpa, all you care about is your stupid money! Now that he's dead, why don't you throw a party! I bet you can afford it now!"

"Neil!" His mother snaps, standing taller and shouting back. "Don't you dare take that tone of voice with us! None of that is the least bit true!" She claims, trying to walk towards him.

"Should have proved it while he was alive, then!" He yells, turning on his heel and charging out of the house. "No, I'm done, I'm not having this conversation anymore."

"Where are you going?" His father yells, attempting to pull out a tone of authority.

Neil freezes at the front door, his hand on the knob. His voice comes out softer this time, more gritted between his teeth as though it took every muscle in his body to speak it.

" _Camping_."

Neil opens the door and disappears into the late afternoon air.

The memory shifts.

There's a slight whiplash, and Eva realizes they're still in the same memory. She and Roxie are both sitting in the backseat of Neil's car as he drives, putting distance between himself and his house.

The two doctors can't find it within themselves to say anything.

Neil's expression is unreadable. He's angry, obviously, and his knuckles are white on the wheel, suffocating it as though it were threatening him, but that seems to be the extent of what he's feeling. There's no music playing. No ambiance. Only the sound of the vibrations of the road, and the turning of the wheels.

It doesn't take long before he pulls off (Eva has no idea how long he could have been driving before the memory cut it short), and he steers deeper into the woods on old beaten paths, just wide enough for a car to make its way through. He seems confident that he knows where he's going, and he lets instinct carry him the entire way. But at some point, the road stops at a clearing.

Neil parks on one of the dirt parking spots positioned underneath a row of trees, and then he turns the car off.

He doesn't get out of the vehicle.

Instead he sits in absolute silence, his eyes on the horizon where the sun is finally setting. Now, he looks less angry. The inner turmoil within him seems to have settled, replaced with a quiet, serene look of melancholy, and it seems to reflect a broken heart. The expression was all too familiar for the traversal agents watching. Eva wonders how long ago she had stopped breathing, every ounce of her attention focused on the young boy in front of her with her hands shaking again.

When his lip begins to quiver, Neil crosses his arms over the steering wheel and hides his face, releasing shaky exhales. A moment passes, and then it all begins to release. His shoulders quake, his breaths come out short and audible, and there are tears slipping past his arms and landing on his lap. He doesn't try to muffle the sounds.

Eva only watches, feeling a sorrow so deep she couldn't bear it. She feels Roxie's hand on her shoulder, trying to offer some sort of comfort, but it falls too short.

The memory shifts slightly forward.

At some point, Neil must have gotten out of his car, because now he's sitting in the center of the clearing, looking up at the stars above him. He was no longer crying, and instead looked lost, as though he were searching the skies for answers.

Roxie and Eva, now standing, walk over to his spot and quietly take seats on either side of him. While the young Neil looks up at the sky, Eva and Roxie are watching him, unable to find words to express the situation correctly.

Eventually, Roxie speaks for the first time in what seems like forever, filling the silence.

"Was he close to his grandfather?"

Eva nods, staring at the younger version of her partner, unable to look away. "He told me about the times he went stargazing with him a long time ago. I didn't know he passed. Neil never told me."

"Yeah, he has a habit of not telling people things." Roxie responds, looking up at the sky. "Still, I can understand why this place is important to him. It's absolutely gorgeous."

Eva allows herself to take a breath and look up as well. And Roxie was right- the night sky from this place looked incredible. She's not sure she's ever seen a view quite like it. Neil is deathly still where he sits, and he only mirrors their positions, lost in the echo of stars above him. It brings about an aura of peace, and Eva sighs softly to herself, letting herself drown in a sadness she couldn't explain.

And for a while they remain there, sitting in silence, basking in the glow of the stars. None of them can bring themselves to move.

When Neil stands, Eva flinches in surprise, torn out of her thoughts. He does so with so much purpose, with his hands balled at his sides, and then he raises his shoulders and ducks his head.

"How could you leave me here?!"

A pause. He leans down and picks up a rock, tossing it into the sky with all his strength, angry now. He watches it sail in the night sky, losing sight of it until he hears it break against the forest canopy a couple yards away.

"How could you? You were the only person I trusted!"

He throws another rock with a furious grunt, expelling his energy. It seemed like he was out of tears. All he could do was toss rocks and yell at the fiery speckles in the sky, begging for answers.

"The only person I could talk to."

He grows quieter, his hands clenching even tighter.

He sniffles, rubbing the palm of his hand against his face, though there were no tears to wipe. He sucks in a breath and turns heel, returning to the car with defeated steps. It was as though he no longer had it in him to stay here. To be in this place.

The memory does one final shift. Eva and Roxie are back in the car again, with Neil at the wheel, trying to fight the conflict within him. He's driving away from the field, away from the stars, away from his grandfather.

He looked like he was crumbling at the wheel.

His hand continually raises to wipe at the tears in his eyes, his breaths coming short. He was barely paying attention to his surroundings.

"Eva…" Roxie begins, warily. She holds her hand out as if to steady herself, looking up at her. Their eyes meet, and then Eva knows what's about to happen.

The doctor can't bear to look. She shuts her eyes.

The car crash was sudden. Most are, anyway. It takes Neil by surprise, and he doesn't even have time to cry out, but Eva sure does. The motion of the car jolting sideways catches her off guard, and then the car is flipping and turning, the world spinning through the windows. There's no control here, no stability, no comfort, no peace.

Halfway down the ditch, everything goes black.


	11. Chapter 11

To accommodate for unconsciousness, the machines usually send them into a blank slate.

Instead of the sudden blackness of the memory, the scene alters itself to turn white, sending Eva and Roxie into a new scene, one without any connection to Neil's memories.

The change is so sudden that Eva still feels as though she were spiraling out of control on the road, falling to her death. She collapses to her knees as soon as her feet hit the ground, and she braces herself with her palms flat against the white floor, panting. It was akin to waking up from a nightmare, when one is suddenly still after experiencing nothing but sheer terror.

Though this felt twenty times more real.

Roxie finds herself in the same predicament, landing next to her with one arm fishing out to grab Eva's arm, steadying the both of them. The two of them take a moment to breathe, sitting up and calming themselves down from the adrenaline rush.

Normally, the machines were good at stabilizing the doctors in any scenario they endure. Eva chalks this up to the messy nature of this prototype, and feels her heart sink.

Eventually, Roxie stands up, reaching out an arm to help Eva up. "Alright…" She says, out of breath. "So we know a few things now."

It takes a moment for Eva to work up the courage to take her hand, rising to her feet with her gaze downcast.

"He was angry, drove off, and got himself in a wreck. He blamed himself for the bills, and he put himself on no-speaking terms with his parents because he felt guilty. He started taking the pills for the injuries he received in the incident, but stayed on them because they helped calm him during this difficult time in his life, and then gained an addiction…"

Eva didn't like the way Roxie was talking about it. The way she made it sound, it was almost like Neil was any other patient, on any other day, and that they were emotionally detaching themselves from his story. She couldn't bring herself to come even remotely close to doing such a thing, and there was a slight bitterness in her gaze now.

Still, her colleague goes on when nothing is said in return. "As much as I want to, we can't fix his family life, because he still needs to wake up with the majority of his story in tact. All we're doing is taking away the painkillers. Actually, I want to see if there's a way to configure this scenario so that he's aware of the addiction he had, but comes back without depending on them. That would make things easier to explain when he wakes up, but I guess it's okay if it's unavoidable."

"Is there a way to do that?" Eva asks, wiping at her eyes. She was so tired. When was the last time she had slept? All semblance of time escapes her within Neil's memories. For all she knew, she could have been in his mind for a week.

"I don't know. But we've gone as far back as we needed to. Let's go into the overworld and try to send the signal."

"Alright."

After the swiftness of the last memory, Eva feels ready for a calmer state. A large part of her mind was still wondering how much more Neil had kept from her. How many more secrets? How many more lies had he told her? How much had he suffered without telling anybody? These questions could plague her for the rest of her life, it seemed.

He had to make it out of this alive.

He had to.

Roxie takes the lead in organizing the mementos in Neil's overworld, connecting them in their linear paths. Eva reminds herself to be thankful, once again, for Roxanne Winters, who takes charge when she can't bring herself to. In the back of her mind, she makes a mental note that she owes her buckets and buckets of ice-cream after this is over. Roxie definitely deserves it.

"Alright, I think I got it." Roxie says, appearing next to her.

"This is it?" Eva asks, her eyes widening.

"I think so, hun!" There's delight in her voice.

But Eva is fighting terror, messing with the hems of her sleeves anxiously. "What if it doesn't work?"

Rox turns towards her, smiling as she places both her hands on her shoulders. "It will, Eva. I know it will."

Eva swallows hard, holding her hands close to her chest in fear. Roxie turns around, summoning up the control panel. Her gaze turns to the side, with a mischievous grin to compliment her excited expression. "Do you want to have the honors?" She offers, gesturing towards the controls.

"I…"

Eva Rosalene hesitates, walking over to the control panel. It was just one button, glowing blue on the screen and begging to be pressed. One button that would create the algorithm, and take away the painkillers from his memory. One press of a button. That's all it would take.

It seemed almost too good to be true.

"Let a rip." Roxie says, offering her a smile.

Eva holds her breath, counts to three, and then presses the button.

 _Here we go, Neil._

 _Now come back to us._

Everything goes to chaos.

There's a sharp pain that suddenly arises in Eva's head, causing her to stumble backwards several feet, and then she allows her weight to fall to the floor. Pressing both the palms of her hands against her head, she looks up to where Roxie had been thrown, watching her also fight to hold herself together. Her form is fuzzy. "Roxie!" She tries to shout, but there's a loud static sound filling her ears, and shaking her to the core. The world around her is trembling and quaking, sending vibrations through her arms and legs.

"Get out, Eva!" She can barely hear her. Her form is glitchy and made of static, and after a moment, she vanishes from the plane.

Eva summons her control panel, hoping to follow suit.

The command doesn't register.

Eva fights the panic in her chest and tries again.

Nothing.

The world around her is glitching between memories. Hints and glances of highschool, college, so many moments in time she had seen in the flesh were now flashes of thought, coming and going without stopping.

"Help me!" She screams, begging her body to wake her up, and signal her distress to the others. Someone would have to pull her out from the outside.

If the machine would even let them.

It was as though the walls were melting, and glitching, and disappearing all at once. She felt several different sensations in succession, making her feel as though she were drowning while on fire, falling in an abyss somewhere far away. Breaths weren't coming to her lips, and neither were her screams. All she felt was pain and terror so strong it made her heart flop in her chest, threatening to tear it's way out of her ribcage.

 _Is this what it feels like to die?_

The ground beneath her no longer feels hard, and her surroundings flicker in and out of existence. After several agonizing moments, it settles on that grassy hill somewhere on the outskirts of their hometown.

She lets go of her head when the pain subsides, though the world continues to glitch and flutter. It looked like everything was falling apart, and that soon, she would be buried alongside it.

Right beside her sat Neil, still young, still sad and lost in this memory. His gaze is still glued to the sky, though the malfunctions of their surroundings blot out the beauty. Instead, it's just dark, with a whirlwind of Technicolor and static filling in the gaps. The dirt beneath Eva trembles and shakes, as though someone were driving a hammer into the core of the earth, though Neil seems undisturbed.

But then, his form glitches in and out, threatening to shatter, and then his eyes widen. He's looking up at the sky with his mouth wide open, and the chaos around them reflects in his glasses. There's no chance to react or even move as his breathing picks up the pace, jerking his head around in horror at the scene around him.

He turns to his left.

His eyes lock with Eva's.


	12. Chapter 12

For a long moment, the crumbling world no longer matters to either of them.

Neil and Eva can't look away as they stare, and Neil scrambles backwards, sputtering for words that don't seem to land their mark. There's a low rumbling in the air, and the wind has picked up, circling the two of them as though they were standing at the eye of a hurricane.

Neil is looking _right at her_.

The logical part of her brain would usually go to work in a moment like this. _Did the world interactivity malfunction? How would I get it back online?_

But the emotional part of her brain, for the first time in forever, proceeds to take control. Her mind is in shock. Eva hesitates, her gaze softening as she stares back, unable to bring herself to move, or even breathe.

Eventually, the teenager before speaks. "Who… who are you? When did you… what's happening? What's going on?" He blurts out, looking terrified and far too young. He stands up in a panic.

Eva doesn't know what to say. She's too shocked to comment. Everything is falling to pieces around her.

"Neil…" She says softly, unable to stop her voice from wavering as she stands up.

There's a brief glitch, unexpected and unusual, that overtakes the teenage boy before her. For a moment, she's afraid that this is it. The last moment she would lay eyes on her partner before she drifted too far from her head.

The last moment she'd have before she died.

And then, his form fixes itself.

The Neil before her is no longer a teenager.

Now, standing there is the adult version of him, with his shoulders held higher, and his boyish face matured. The one she sees every day at work, in the office right across the hall from her. The one she had talked to only days before this, as if nothing were wrong with the world.

And it wasn't even a shadowy memory. Not even a hazy thought or expression.

This was _Neil_.

He blinks several times, and then sputters out, very quietly, "Eva?"

She smiles, feeling her eyes begin to water. This was the Neil, currently in a coma in a hospital bed. He was speaking to her, aware and alive. "Yeah…" She says, pressing her lips together to keep her chin from quivering.

He tears his gaze away from her to look around him, to take in the chaotic landscape the machine was so obviously trying to fix. It was failing, and everything was coming apart at the seams. "Where… are we?" He asks, transfixed.

"We're in your machine. The one you built." Eva says, unable to look away from him. "Roxie and I were using it to go back in time and-"

"To go back in time and stop my painkiller addiction." He finishes, looking way too calm for his predicament. Eva nods. Neither of them continue speaking. Deathly silence carries on, only filled with the sounds of wind and chaos.

An expression crosses Neil's face that sends shivers down Eva's spine. He turns back to her, his voice quiet and somber.

"Eva… am I dying?"

Swallowing hard, she feels her hands begin to shake again. She crosses her arms to steady herself, looking at her feet. "I don't know."

"Then what's happening to this place?"

"I don't know."

Suddenly, he reaches out to her, grasping both her shoulders in a vice. She almost winces, not because of his strength, but because his glasses slide down his nose, and she can see the sincerity in his eyes. They look desperate. Almost horrified.

"Eva… you need to get out of here! The machine, it… it must be malfunctioning. If you don't get out now, you could get hurt!"

"I can't get out." She says quietly, and she feels tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't you start with that contrived-"

"Neil, I _can't_ get out!" She accentuates louder, causing his gaze to falter. For a moment, they stare into each other eyes, dazed. "I… I don't know what happened, but I've lost control. I think… I think I'm stuck."

Saying nothing, Neil presses his lips together and stares at her, at a loss for words now. He looks more terrified than she'd ever seen him in her entire life. Seconds roll by, and it seems as though the collapsing world grows stronger with each breath. It wouldn't be long before everything caved in on itself, and there would be no escaping.

And then, Eva throws her arms around Neil.

She pulls him close, burying her head in his shoulder. Stunned, Neil takes a moment before wrapping his lanky arms around her as well, and the two of them embrace. He rests his chin on the top of her head.

"So this is it, huh?" Neil says, a small chuckle escaping his lips. Eva can feel the vibration of his chest. "This is how we go?"

Eva releases a laugh of her own, more hysterical than anything. Tears are still rolling down her face, shaking her to the bone. "I suppose so."

"I always imagined it'd be less dramatic."

"You were always one for the flare. I guess it's only fitting."

A curt chuckle. "You're right."

The two of them laugh, still holding onto each other with their bodies shaking. There's a sensation of falling that grows in Eva's chest, and she tightens her grip on her partner, hoping to alleviate it. "Neil…" She says, her voice high-pitched and watery.

"Hang on, I've got you." He says softly, holding her closer.

But then she pulls her head away from his chest, looking up at him until their eyes lock. Something flashes in the distance, illuminating their faces in the pale atmosphere, and then Eva raises a hand to Neil's cheek, brushing away a tear that had slipped past his eye.

The two of them lean in, pressing their lips together and closing their eyes, savoring that one, peaceful moment.

The sensation of falling intensifies, and everything around them comes crashing down like a tsunami. The world shatters into bits and pieces, leaving Eva swept off her feet and left floating in a dark abyss, somewhere far away. All she feels is cold, and there's electricity coursing through her veins, rendering her half conscious.

She parts her lips to cry out, and bubbles escape. There's no sound. No voice. Nothing.

Nothing.


	13. Chapter 13

Eva Rosalene opens her eyes.

Her feet weren't touching the ground, and she was floating. Somewhere far away, with darkness wrapping around her shoulders and a static pressure on her skin, threatening her frame to flicker. There was no light, no noise, no warmth. She felt cold but didn't shiver. Loneliness but no fear.

Slowly, hesitantly, she moves to wave her hand in front of her face. Her eyes don't pick up on it, informing her that she's as good as blind. Or perhaps her hand doesn't exist. Perhaps it's merely an afterthought; an imaginative idea to her mind. There really is nothing here, not even herself.

However, she doesn't panic. In fact, her heart beat is a steady drum in her chest, slow and calming. It felt like the very liminal space between sleeping and awake, where all that exists is bliss and comfort, giving weight to her eyelids and unconsciousness.

Eva couldn't bring herself to exert any energy. She merely let her mind drift, and her body wander, and the world fall. Slipping away had never felt so peaceful.

And then, a light grew.

Squinting her eyes, it was almost painful. It pulled her farther away from her serenity, though she didn't fight it. Stray strands of her hair tickles her ears, and she feels herself begin to slowly fall.

An image. Neil, as a teenager, standing at the door of his parent's room with his back pressed against the wall. He's staring down at the bottle of painkillers in his hand, and his eyes study it intensely as though it contained the secrets of the world. Delicately held between his fingertips, it seemed so small and unimportant now. How could something so tiny do so much damage to one's life? It seemed as though the universe didn't care about balance.

A green flash. A line of code. The painkillers disappear from his hand and he blinks, surprised, but says nothing.

The world suddenly blurs.

Instead of one image, it's several. Neil, hiding in the bathroom of his high school on several different occasions, taking the painkillers. In all of them, lines of code breach the scene and steal away the drugs, leaving him confused and concerned, but compliant all the same.

One by one, more places and visions and thoughts come to mind, all moments in time when he took the drug that harmed him. In each one, the algorithm steals away the painkillers, and Eva can only watch, transfixed, and lost in a daze.

It worked.

The machine _worked_.

In the hurricane of memories, the algorithm begins to shape together, reforming Neil mentally and breaking his past abuse of them. On and on and on the memories went, taking away that piece of him that held him back.

And as the algorithm played, his face began to show so much more life.

Perhaps that was all the warmth Eva needed. To know that her friend and partner had been saved. That he was no longer bound by the mistakes of his past, and that his resolve helped shape his future for the better.

There's a smile on her face as she drifts slowly through time, lost in the darkness, never to be found.

 _We did it._

 _._

Neil Watts opens his eyes.

His body feels slow and draggy, and his eyelids pull like deadweights on his face. It takes a measureable amount of effort to pry them open to the light of the hospital. On any other normal day, he would have awoken to the sound of his alarm clock going off. The pale color of his ceiling would come into view, and he'd fish out a hand to find his glasses.

But this time, he heard the heart monitor long before he forced his eyes to open. He feels the wires and needles hooked into his arms. He smells the pristine sanitation of the doctor's office, increased by tenfold.

With all the sensations he had awoken to, he heard Roxie's voice above it all.

"…Please, wake up!" She was saying in a desperate, terrified voice. But it wasn't towards him. She sounded farther away, facing a different direction. What's that about?

Rob's voice cuts through the noise, sounding more worried than Neil had ever heard. "Roxie, try the failsafe again-"

"I've already tried it four times, it's not working! The console, it… it isn't responding to any my commands!"

"We need to notify a doctor."

"They don't know how this technology works, they could kill her!"

 _Her_?

 _Who else?_ He asks himself, allowing the realization to flood through his consciousness. She had been there, in his memories. She _spoke_ to him. He knows she did. Where was she? Why wasn't she here?

"Eva?"

Neil's voice was too quiet at first. The two terrified agents didn't hear him above the sounds of their own panicking. Without his glasses, he couldn't see much, but he could hear the beat of a heart monitor quicken and grow with each passing breath, and the obvious fear in the voices of his colleagues.

When he tries to lift his arm, it doesn't work. Everything is heavy. He should have seen that coming, but it still sent a pang of adrenaline through his chest. How long had he been out? Surely not long enough to cause his muscles to lose functionality. He tries again, this time focusing, and manages to lift his arm off of the bed and reach out to his right, instinctively feeling for his glasses. He sure doesn't find what he's looking for, but he does feel the dull edges of machinery, and the noise of a few items clanging together.

Confused, blind, and starting to panic, Neil tries to sit up, feeling a dizzy spell overtake him. There's also a weight on his head, dragging him back down towards the pillow, and he's startled by the sudden pull. What was this? He reaches up towards his head and feels little plugs attached to his forehead by the Sigmund Corp helmet. He pries the sensors off with a clenched hand, shaking as he sits up.

Where were his glasses? He squints, taking a consumable amount of energy just to twist his head left and right. The majority of his body was screaming for him to lay back down, to rest, even to go back to sleep. But the fear hanging above the heads in the room is incentive enough to pull him into a sitting position.

Black spots dance before his eyes and he stops dead, worried that he was about to pass out. Nausea climbs up his stomach and he squeezes his eyes shut, attempting to circulate air through his lungs calmly.

"Neil?" A voice breaks through the conversation, and Roxie is bounding towards him. He can't see her through his closed eyes, but her presence is indistinguishable. "Neil, I- you- you need to lay back down, don't get up!" She puts her hands on his shoulders and tries to encourage him back onto the bed.

"Where's Eva?" He sputters out between gritted teeth. "What's going on?"

"She… I…" Roxie sounds like she's on the verge of tears.

"Hand me my glasses."

"But Neil-"

"Roxie, please!" He snaps, and his heart monitor is going wild. Somehow, he knows what's wrong. He can feel it. He hears scrambling for a moment as his colleague grabs what he assumes to be his glasses off of a side table, slipping them onto his face for him.

Everything comes into view, and he almost regrets it.

There, at the foot of the room, was a Sigmund Corp machine. But not just any of them. _His_ machine. With all the bells and whistles attached. The console, instead of blue, was flashing red, notifying a malfunction.

Between his bed and the machine, he spots Robert, who is crouched on the ground, holding a familiar form up so that her head didn't touch the ground.

Eva.

She still has a visor over her head, hiding her eyes, but there was sweat on her brow, and Rob had a hand on her neck right where her pulse would be. "Roxie, try it again!" Rob shouts with fear. "She isn't looking good."

"Okay, okay, hold on!" She says, turning away from Neil, who is frozen as though in a daze. She slips into the seat, typing commands into the glow of the red screen, but it doesn't look like anything she does is registering. The word "ERROR" continually pops up with an unsatisfied beeping noise.

"What is going on in here?" A voice snaps.

All heads in the room turn at once to the newcomer. Dr. Summers is standing in the door frame, looking doe-eyed but authoritative, as though he knows he should be in charge of this room, but has no idea what to say to this particular scene. He looks up at Neil, taken back by his comatose patient suddenly upright, and then down to Eva's motionless form.

"What happened here?" He asks, crouching down next to her.

"The machine malfunctioned, we're trying to get her safely disconnected. Don't remove the helmet." Rob answers, warning the doctor back a step.

"Rob, call the maintenance team back at Sigmund, maybe they'll know what to do."

"Don't bother."

Roxie's head swivels around so fast Neil thought she might have cracked it. But he doesn't take back what he said. Neil takes one deep breath before pulling out the wires and drips attached to him. Immediately, the monitors begin to beep, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room. "Mr. Watts, please, don't!" Dr. Summers cries out, stepping past the other agents.

" _Dr._ Watts." He corrects, with anger breaking through his exhaustion. "And _move out of my way_."

Neil swings both of his legs over the side of the bed, planting them on the ground. Dr. Summers tries to block him, to get him back in the bed, but Neil attempts to retaliate. Having just woken up from a coma, he has no strength to spare in a fight, but he does throw himself sideways to get around him.

The sudden movement causes him to falter and pitch over, landing hard against the wall on his shoulder. He lets out a startled grunt, but squeezes past the doctor towards the machine, even as the room spins in his vision. "Roxie, move!" He snaps.

The technician immediately slides out of the chair, putting herself between Neil and Dr. Summers, who looks angry now. "Dr. Watts, you can't be up in your condition! You're going to get hurt!" He tries to say, but Roxie makes a good shield. She keeps him at bay while Neil crawls into the seat and begins to type furiously into the screen. "I'm serious!"

"Doctor, please, we need him to help us." Roxie cuts in desperately, looking down at Eva's still form on the ground.

"I thought you told me this machine was safe!"

"I told you it was a prototype for testing!" She snaps back.

"I'm getting security." Dr. Summers says after a moment, taking a large step to the left and bolting out of the door. The sound of hustling outside is heard, but the others in the room pay no mind.

"Neil…" Roxie says warily, turning her head. "What are you going to do? I've already tried the secondary disconnection, and the failsafe…"

"I know." He says, overcoming the urge to vomit. Every bone in his body is fighting him, and he worries that if he closes his eyes, he'd be out. "We'll have to do it from the helmet."

"But…" Roxie takes a deep breath.

"It's the only other way I can think of." Neil says, before stopping. It takes an incredible amount of effort just to speak, and each word is almost painful on his throat. "Okay, Roxie, I need you on standby to enter this command. Rob, move."

They all swap places. Rob gently moves aside so Neil can hold Eva's form up, allowing her head to rest in his lap. He takes the helmet between his hands and opens up a side panel, messing with the wires and cables inside of it, biting his tongue between his teeth to keep himself upright. His heart is going to burst right out of his chest, and there's blood roaring in his ears.

"Okay, Roxie, on the count of three."

"Okay, Neil." She bites her lip, looking scared.

Neil's entire form is trembling. There's sweat beading down his head, and nausea continually climbs up his chest, threatening him with bile. This has to work. It has to.

"One…"

Neil secures his hands around a cord in the helmet's panel, furrowing his eyebrows together. He remembers it all. He remembers their conversation, lost in the center of dying memories atop the hill that compliments the stars. The sky had never looked more beautiful in the chaos. He can still feel Eva's form against his chest as he held her close, waiting with baited breath as the world became an ocean, sweeping them away from each other.

"Two…"

 _Hang on, I've got you._

He meant it.

"Three!"

Roxie presses a button on the machine at the same time Neil pulls a wire out of the helmet, and the only noise made is the sound of an electric shock from the port. The machine powers down immediately, the control panel folding in on itself, and the lights on the visor go dark.

Prying the helmet off of her, Neil pulls Eva closer, hoping to see her eyes to flutter open. Her face looks worn and tired, with bags under her eyes and sweat on her brow. Her lips were partly open, and when he moves his hand to her lips, he can feel her gentle breaths. But she didn't stir. She didn't react.

 _Come back to me, please._

There's complete and utter silence. The sound of scuffling feet approaches the room, and the hospital's security guards are now entering, looking a bit lost on the situation, but determined to take charge. Dr. Summers is right on their heels, pointing at Neil with desperation and anger, but Neil can barely hear them.

Roxie tries to stand up again, to get in the way, but the authorities are having none of it. They force their way past her, approaching Neil and the machine, looking like harbingers of order. In moments, it would all be over.

"Neil?"

It's a voice Neil knows all too well, as weak and gentle as it may seem now. His head snaps down to Eva's form in his lap, and he can see her bright brown eyes shining up at him in the hospital room's light. Her hair is cascading over his lap, wild and tangled, and her lips press together as soon as her consciousness returns. She blinks once, looking nothing short of surprised and confused, but she doesn't break her gaze with her partner.

For a moment, time has frozen. Nothing else matters.

Everything's alright.

And that's the exact moment that Neil Watts passes out on the hospital room floor.


	14. Chapter 14

Eva Rosalene enters the hospital four days later.

She steps through the front doors, feeling the cold blast of air brush against her skin to relieve some of the heat from outside. There are people milling about in quiet serenity, each one living in their own nightmare. Eva had her own.

After checking in at the front desk and receiving judgmental looks from the staff, she turns to her left and steps into an elevator that will take her to the floor Neil is on. It doesn't take more than a few short moments, and once the doors open, she turns right, and presses on. Nobody stops her.

Dr. David Summers sees her first. He says nothing, gesturing at the doorway leading into Neil's room with an unreadable expression, but Eva knows right away what it is. It's anger.

She doesn't blame him.

Just that morning, she had received a call from the hospital telling her that Neil Watts had finally woken up since their last encounter, and that she was allowed to visit him. After the fiasco with the security, she was amazed she was even allowed back in at all.

Entering the room with her sweater folded over her arm and a small bouquet of flowers in the other hand, she takes a deep breath and looks up.

Neil is laying still in bed, his gaze dreary, and his gaze rises up as soon as she enters the room. "Got another test to run, doc?" He asks weakly, cracking a smile. "Let's get this over with."

 _What?_ Eva pauses. Neil didn't have his glasses on. For all he knew, she was just another blur among many.

"That's no way to talk to your partner." She responds, trying to sound more upbeat, but it falls a bit flat. It doesn't matter though, because Neil recognizes her voice, and his face lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Eva! Thank goodness you're here! This hospital is full of jerks."

"Oh I know. I'm looking at one right now."

"Rude."

Eva walks further into the room, trying to offer him a smile even though he couldn't see it. She looks down at the bouquet in her hand. "Roxie wanted me to give you these." She declares, holding them up.

"I've always wanted a bag of chips."

"They're flowers."

"Oh how lovely!" He responds with an excited smile, holding his arms out. "I want to smell them."

"I thought you didn't like cheesy gestures." Eva says, walking towards his bed with the flowers held out to him. "I half expected you to turn your nose up at them."

"If they smell nice I don't care. I'm sick of this hospital smell." He presses his nose into the petals and inhales. As soon as he does so, he chokes, beginning to cough. He grabs a napkin from off the table, hacking into it for several long moments until he manages to breathe normally again. He takes an audible breath, seemingly in pain, and when he pulls the napkin away, Eva can see red on it.

Neil doesn't say anything about this. He glances up at his partner, wiping the blood off of his lips, and then tosses the napkin into the trashcan by his bed. He opens his mouth, as if to speak about it, to say something, but he's cut off.

"Neil, I need to talk to you."

Startled, he keeps his mouth shut. Her hands are shaking again. She takes a deep breath, holding her sweater close to her to draw out some form of comfort. Reaching out, she grabs the spare chair in the room and drags it towards his bed, sitting down with a somber expression, searching for the right words.

"Okay, Eva, you're kinda freaking me out." He says after a moment of silence, unable to look away from her.

"Neil… you know how long you've been in a coma right?"

"The first time or the second time?"

Eva blinks once. "The second time."

"The doctor says four days."

"And did he tell you why?"

"Why I fell into another coma?" Neil thinks for a minute, waiting for Eva's nod of acknowledgement. "He said I pushed myself too hard after waking up from the first one. Exerted too much energy too quickly. My body gave out."

"Is that all he said?"

"Yeah. He said there was more he wanted to talk to me about, but mentioned it was going to have to wait a bit. I thought that was a bit odd. Did that have something to do with you?"

"Neil…" She takes a shaky breath. "Tell me what memories the machine changed?"

"Huh?"

"The memories. The ones that your machine tampered with when Roxie and I were done."

"I…" He frowns, looking away. "Things became a bit blurry. And messy. I remember some parts, and others I don't. I have gaps here and there from memories I know I should have, and others that I know for a fact were altered."

"So it wasn't completely successful?"

"The memory algorithm? I suppose it was close. But you were also trying to do something totally different with it than normal." He points out. "I know for certain that I had an addiction to painkillers. I… can't really speak for the outcome of that now, since I'm probably on some type of medication for this whole coma thing. I'll have to study it more after I get out of the hospital, and see how much of my mind has actually changed."

"What do you remember for certain?"

"I remember…" He closes his eyes, resting his head against the pillow. "I remember one odd memory of everything crashing all around me. I remember standing on that grassy hill outside of my home town, where grandpa and I used to stargaze, except you were there. I… I suppose that one was just a dream though."

"What else happened in that memory?" She eggs on, bringing him back to the subject before he has a chance to move on.

Neil gives her a peculiar look, confused. "You… told me you were stuck in my memories. And that you couldn't get out."

Eva nods, encouraging him to keep talking.

"And then you kissed me."

Silence.

"That was a real memory?"

Eva takes a deep breath. "The machine somehow broke the barrier between your actual consciousness and your memories. Right before my mind drifted too far, I found _you_. And… I suppose now that we both experienced it, it's a real memory. Sure."

Neil's face goes a bit red, but he says nothing else. Eva sighs to herself, looking away to gather her composure. "Neil… I requested to the hospital that I be the one to talk to you about your condition."

"My condition?" He asks, raising his gaze.

Eva takes a deep breath. She presses her hands together to keep them from shaking. "The machine may have altered your memories, and they may have even broken your addiction, no matter how messy the results were. But… that's not… everything."

Eva opens her mouth to keep going, but he cuts her off.

"I'm dying, aren't I?"

Startled by the sudden outburst, Eva's head snaps up, but Neil is laughing now. He raises his hand in a waving gesture, passing the comment on. "No, no, I'm just kidding. I wish I could see the look on your face, though. What did you want to say to me?"

Silence.

Neil's giggles calm down on their own, and he looks back at Eva, who is wearing a very somber face. His smile hangs on for about three seconds before the corners of his mouth drop, and he stares at her. "You know I was just joking, right?"

Eva looks away.

"Eva?"

The tears in her eyes are unstoppable. She uses the pad of her hand to wipe at them, and that's the very moment that terror climbs down Neil's spine.

"No… you aren't serious. You can't be." He responds, blinking at her. He opens his mouth to keep speaking, but he falls into another coughing fit, grabbing another napkin off of the table. As he does this, Eva can't stand to be in the room anymore. She rises to her feet as fast as she can, turning to walk back into the hallway with tears still rolling down her face.

She makes it halfway down the corridor before she hears Neil's voice call her name from far away.

A sob shakes her shoulders and she can't bring herself to turn around.


	15. Chapter 15

"Eva, you can't avoid this forever."

Eva takes another shaky breath, curling her fingers around a new tissue. Her eyes were red and splotchy. "Roxie, I can't just go back in there like everything's okay!" She says, sounding on the verge of hysterics.

Her colleague frowns sadly, putting a hand on her shoulder. Eva's quaking beneath her fingers. "Honey, if… if Neil doesn't have much longer, you'll regret not being there at his side."

It was the evening after she had visited Neil in the hospital. The two doctors were sitting down in Eva's apartment kitchen with a box of tissues nestled between them. It was late- too late for either of them to be awake, but Eva had texted Roxie asking if she could come over. She was losing her mind on her own, and she wasn't sure who else to turn to anymore.

She owed so much to Roxie.

"Did you tell the hospital staff to explain the details to Neil?" Roxie asks, knowing Eva hadn't really delved into the depths of it.

"Yes." She sniffles.

The machine had in fact left its ugly mark on Neil. The altering of his memories had created some damage in his brain. After speaking to doctors for what felt like forever, Eva learned that slowly and surely, the broken memories were pulling apart his brain piece by piece, destroying him from the inside out and deteriorating his mind. Soon, he'd lose most of his memories. He'd be lost, and confused, and then he would pass on from the damage.

Eva felt herself begin to tremble all over again, wiping at her eyes.

"How long did they say he had?" Roxie asks in a quiet, unsure voice. She rubbed circles in Eva's back.

She shook her head. "They… they said it was such a peculiar case, that they couldn't estimate anything. It could be a week. It could be months."

Roxie frowns. "Well, we really should head back tomorrow, then."

"I don't know if I can, Roxie."

"Eva-"

"No, I don't care!" She snaps, standing up. Her chair makes a scraping noise against the floor, starling herself. "I don't! It's his fault we're all in this mess in the first place! If he had gotten help for his addiction, we would all be fine! And now he's _dying_ and we can't do anything about it but stand by and feel bad about it!"

There it is. She begins to sob, burying her face in her hands with quaking shoulders to release her shallow exhales. It becomes difficult to catch her breath. Roxanne Winters stands up from her seat and wraps her arms around Eva, pulling her close to give her something to ground to. "I know. I know, hun." She says softly, trying to calm her down.

"He's an idiot." Eva sniffles.

"He always has been."

A hysterical half-laugh erupts between Eva's lips, but then she cracks, losing her composure.

" _I'm going to lose him_."

Silence. The doctor's form trembles and shivers, and she buries her face in her friend's shoulder, feeling the gentle pattern of her friend's hands against her back. It seemed to be the only thing keeping her from shattering to pieces across the kitchen floor.

Eva takes a few shuddering breaths, forcing herself to calm down. It takes some time, and her chest feels like it's going to explode from the force of her heartbeat. But eventually, she sniffles and let's go of Roxanne, taking a step backwards to grab another tissue.

Roxie doesn't say anything at first. She simply allows some time to pass while Eva regains her calm demeanor, sitting herself back down in the kitchen chair alongside the other. Both of them could feel the tug of their eyelids, and it was the witching hour of the night when it came to their emotions. This was normal on any occasion, but tonight it seemed to increase tenfold. Funny how that works.

Eventually, Roxanne Winters speaks, and the way the silence breaks is almost uncomfortable, but they know it's necessary. "Let's head to the hospital tomorrow morning, yeah?" She suggests, offering her an assuring smile. "I know it's hard. I know this is a difficult thing to deal with, but… Let's walk in there and make the most out of the time we have left. Rob and I will be right there with you the whole time, and Neil will be happy to see you."

It's the last thing Eva wants to do, but she knows she'll have to face it either way. Numbly, she nods.

Thank the world for Roxanne Winters.

The very next morning, the three of them are making their way into the hospital. It had taken a few strings to pull to get all three of them past security again, but nobody threw a fit about it. The damage had been done, and they weren't carrying any equipment. Plus, Neil wanted them there.

Eva takes a deep breath, and Roxie notices, placing a hand on her back. "You can do this, Eva. Let's just go spend the day with him. We don't have to bring up anything deep or upsetting. Talk like it's any other day, yeah?"

A large part of Eva wanted to point out that at this point, that type of conversation would be impossible. And she wasn't the kind of person that appreciated forced small talk. But she knew that Roxie was just trying to calm her nerves, so she simply nods and continues walking with her, taking the elevator up.

Roxanne had suggested they bring another bouquet of flowers since Neil loved the first ones, but Eva didn't want to push that. Instead, she had grabbed one of Neil's handheld consoles from his office that he kept hidden. Eva wasn't one that played video games often, but she had seen him playing on this particular device a few times. Perhaps he'd enjoy something to distract him when they couldn't be there.

Eva takes the lead turning the corner to walk into Neil's room, but as soon as she does so, two doctors shoulder-check her on their way in, brushing past in a rush without stopping. And it takes her less than a second to see why.

The first thing she picks up on are the sensors and monitors in the room. They're going crazy, and they're unusually loud.

The second thing she picks up on is the crowd of doctors circling Neil's bed like sharks, talking swiftly and in a panic as though something were wrong. They're barking orders, moving about the room, being quick and precise with each movement as if they knew what they were doing. Well duh, of course they would know what to do, they're certified medical doctors.

The third thing she picks up on is Neil.

For some reason, half of her expected him to be completely still in the bed. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps the dreaded day had come too early, and that this would be the last moment she'd ever see him. But he wasn't still at all. On the contrary, he couldn't stop moving.

His arms and legs lock up and move uncontrollably, his entire body spasming.

Neil is having a seizure.

Eva feels her heart stop in her chest, and then drop to her stomach. Another doctor sweeps past her into the room, racing towards the bed, but she can't bring herself to move out of the way. He trips over her foot, but catches himself halfway, spinning on his heel. "You need to get out of here!" He says, pointing towards the door.

But her legs aren't working. She can't tear her gaze away from her partner. She feels the world tip and sway a little, and Roxie grabs her upper arm, pulling her towards the corridor. "Eva, Eva look at me!" She says, but her voice sounds far away. Another hand grabs her other forearm, and Rob is helping persuade her out of the room now. Her legs, on auto-pilot, mindlessly carry her away from the chaos with the guidance of her colleagues, and as soon as she's out of view, her gaze snaps away from the mess and she closes her eyes.

As soon as they take several steps down the corridor, Eva shakes the two of them off and leans against the wall, breathing hard.

This can't be happening.

This can't be happening.

She slides to the floor, turning so her back presses up against the wall, and then covers her face, hiding herself away from the world. Away from this hospital. Away from reality. It's all too much. Roxie and Rob sit on either side of her, holding their breaths, with Roxie's hand on her upper arm in a sign of solidarity.

And for a while, they sit just like that.

Eva hears the distant chatter of hospital personnel, the monitors overseeing their patients, other visitors chatting, and just the general life of the hospital. Though it seemed lively and active, the atmosphere was rather somber. How could so many separate nightmares all converge on one place? It seemed to be the center of death here. That's all this place carried.

Minutes pass on. Eva's heart is thundering in her chest. She can't bear to take her hands away from her eyes, unwilling to face the people around her. She just wants to wake up, to find solace in her daily routine. Neil would be in his office and she'd be in hers, they'd get drafted out to a patient, and the two of them would be working together as though everything were still normal. He'd crack jokes, she'd groan with frustration, secretly trying not to laugh. That's just how things were.

If only he were here right now to crack a joke. It'd be inappropriate and unnecessary, but it would make her feel better, even if just by a little bit.

Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, footsteps walk toward them and stop at Eva's feet. The pristine smell of the hospital radiates off of this person, even moreso than the walls do. She hears a gentleman's voice clear his throat, and then speak. "You are all here for Neil Watts, right?"

It wasn't Dr. Summers, but perhaps that was a good thing. They weren't really on his list of favorite people right now. Eva finally dares herself to look up, and as soon as she does so, she has to fight her balance of emotions. The brown-haired doctor looks young, but calm and respectful.

"Is he okay?" She whispers out in a scratchy voice.

"For now, he's fine." The doctor responds, offering a smile, and it causes every muscle in her body to relax at once. She takes a deep breath and puts a hand to her temple.

"What happened, then?" Rob asks, curious.

The doctor kneels in front of the trio. "As you may have heard from us before, this is a peculiar case, considering this is the first time anyone here has gone through what he has. We have been doing the best we can to monitor his brain and the effects he's enduring, but currently, we aren't sure what brought about the seizure. We will continue running tests and diagnostics, but we're fairly certain it has to do with the deteriorating state his brain is in."

"How bad has it gotten?" Roxie asks softly.

"He's beginning to lose some more memories." He responds, keeping a professional attitude as he speaks. Eva appreciates it, but after hearing this, she falters a bit. "But so far, he's still mentally here and now. He knows the date, knows names, knows his address. The likes. He's mostly losing memories from his past. Things he told us earlier, but now can't recall."

"Can we go talk to him?" Eva asks.

"Yes, he's stable now. You three can either go on in, or sit down and talk to his assigned doctor for more in-depth details."

"We'll go see him now, and then find Dr. Summers later." Roxie answers for them, mustering up a friendly smile. "Thank you."

The doctor nods once in response, rising to his feet. Robert stands up, offering the doctor a thank you and shaking his hand in a polite, professional gesture. Roxie stands up next, keeping a hand under Eva's elbow to help guide her to her feet. Eva appreciates the gesture, because her legs feel like jello, and she wasn't sure if she was completely capable of standing on her own yet.

The three of them march down to Neil's room again, but this time, Eva can't shake the fear in her chest.

The world just seems to be against her these days.


	16. Chapter 16

When Eva dares to enter the room again, it's less nerve-wracking this time.

In comparison, it was different from the last few times Eva had walked into this room. Each moment before seemed to go awry in some way. But this time he was neither unconscious, chipper, nor suffering from a seizure. Instead, Neil is sitting still in his bed, looking tired and worn out, but awake and aware. He blinks slowly, turning his gaze with an incredible amount of effort.

Eva knew that he wouldn't recognize them without his glasses. She releases an exhale and then says, as confidently as she can, "Hey, Neil."

It takes him a few seconds to respond. That alone sends a few red flags in her head, but eventually, he takes a deep breath and says, with a smile, "Sigmund Corporation? Is it my time to go already?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but it falls flat considering the circumstances. Eva clenches her hands at her sides and takes a shaky breath, shutting her eyes. "Neil…"

"I'll have you know that my wish is to be famous. I want _everybody_ to love me, with my name in flashing lights."

"Neil." She says again, this time with tension behind her voice.

He deflates a little, looking over at her. "Sorry."

"How you feeling, hun?" Roxie cuts in, moving to put her purse down in a chair and walk towards him. She reaches out a hand and rests it on the side railing of the bed.

"Like the Hulk punched me in the face. Repeatedly. Against a brick wall." He answers, turning his head against the pillow so that his gaze follows Roxanne's blur.

"That doesn't sound pleasant."

"I wouldn't recommend it."

His voice has a slur to it. Eva finally takes a deep breath and moves further into the room, with Rob behind her.

"The doctors say you're losing some memories." Eva says, but her voice wavers halfway through.

"Heh… yeah. Ironic considering my line of work." He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Can one of you guys hand me my glasses?"

Roxie finds them first on the side table, reaching out to grab them and hold them out. "Here."

When Neil moves his arms, Eva has to hold her breath, because he's moving slowly as though he has to focus just to get them to obey. Perhaps that was just the tiredness from having just recovered from a seizure. Eventually, he wraps his fingers around his glasses and pulls open the stems, sliding them over his face.

"Wow. I can see."

He blinks a few times, and then glances over Eva's shoulder. "When did Bob get here?"

"Robert. And I've been here the whole time." He mumbles.

"No, I'm pretty sure you've been teleporting again."

"I did not, in fact, teleport."

"You do it all the time at the office."

Neil's jokes seem… kinda bland when compared to his normal quips. Eva picks up on that immediately. She studies his face, watching meticulously as he continues trying to speak. It looks like he's straining; using all his energy just to stay awake and look okay. There are bags under his eyes, and his skin tone is paler than usual. Eventually, she doesn't even notice when he turns his gaze to look at her and stares. "Earth to Eva. Still with us?"

She shakes out of her thoughts, blinking a few times. "Um… yeah. Can… can I talk with him alone for a few minutes?" She glances up at Rob and Roxie, who both nod in response. It seems as though they had expected to get kicked out for a while.

"Of course, hun. We were actually going to go talk to the doctors. Come find us when you two are done." She says, smiling with a wave as she and her partner exit. As soon as their figures walk out of the door frame, Eva and Neil are left alone.

Moments pass. Eva sighs and pulls up the spare chair, sitting in it beside Neil's bed. He blinks at her a few times, but it's hard to see his eyes now behind his glasses. All she can see is herself. It's distracting.

Neither of them say a word for a while. Eventually Eva has to look away to maintain her composure. Neil grimaces as he tries to sit up, furrowing his eyebrows as he does so. Eventually he settles, exhaling slowly. "Well?" He says, mid-breath.

"I don't know what to say." She mutters quietly.

"You can say whatever you want. Just don't run off again."

She looks up at him. His expression is deadly serious. Embarrassment flushes her cheeks and she presses her lips together to keep them from quivering. "I'm sorry."

"Like seriously. You can't just… admit something like that and then leave."

"I know."

Silence. Neil taps his fingers on the bed sheets and looks away. "They say I'm supposed to start with memory loss." He takes a breath. "Alongside it, my brain will begin to have problems."

"Seizures."

He looks up at her, eyebrows raised. He seemed surprised that she knew. "Did the doctors tell you on the way in?"

Eva bites her lip, looking down at her feet. Immediately, he softens his voice, realizing. "You saw it happen?"

"I thought that was going to be it." She says softly, unable to bring herself to answer his question directly. "I thought your brain was giving up on you, and that it would all be over. And that I had lost my chance."

"Your chance?"

"To say goodbye."

There's a beat of silence. Neil responds with a soft hum of acknowledgement, unable to find any other words to say. Eventually, Eva curls her fingers into fists, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Everything within her becomes angry. It's almost as if Neil can sense the shift in her emotions, as his expression breaks slightly, but he doesn't stop her.

"How can you be so calm?" She asks, her voice on the verge of losing her cool. She sniffles as the waterworks begin once more. It seems as though she'd never run out of tears. "You just… lay there. Making jokes. Being nonchalant about everything said to you. How? Why can't you just… freak out like a normal person, or something?"

Neil snorts at that, catching Eva by surprise. "Since when have I been considered normal, Eva?"

Perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say. Eva brings both of her hands in front of her, balled into fists, and then breathes hard through her nose. "Neil…" She mutters, looking like she was about to punch him in the face.

Neil's expression drops immediately. Eva opens her eyes, and he sees fire and fury burning in them. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He immediately cuts in, trying to recover, but his partner is having none of it.

"You can't just… You can't just make jokes when you're in this position!" She calls out, her voice raising.

"I feel like it's perfectly acceptable given the circumstances."

"You are _dying_ , Neil!"

"Don't you think I _know that_?" He snaps back as loud as he can muster, and Eva's eyes widen at the sudden outburst. His glasses slide down his nose, and their eyes lock. When she looks over, his hands are balled on the blankets, clenched tight with his knuckles beginning to turn white, and his eyebrows are furrowed.

There's an unreadable silence that falls over the two of them, and Neil begins to take deep, uneven breaths. Eva feels her entire body freeze up, unsure of what else to say. Neil presses his lips together, and there's tension in his brow.

"Eva…" When he speaks again, his voice breaks. And now, there's a glossy surface over his eyes. "I'm so scared."

It's the first admittance from Neil that Eva has gotten since everything began. Neil takes a couple more shaky breaths, raising a hand to wipe at his eyes. It only helps his tears escape. "I don't… I don't know what else you want me to say, Eva. I'm afraid. _I'm terrified_. My lifetime has been drastically cut and I don't know which breath will be my last. And it's all my fault. I'm going to die."

He doesn't look at her. His voice is coming shallow and raspy, and his hands are grasping at the bed sheets for an anchor. Inhaling takes a measurable amount of effort. Eva's head is spinning, and it feels as though someone had driven a knife into her gut, but she doesn't dare interrupt him.

It's only now that she can witness how much Neil has been suffering. Not only in this moment, in the hospital room, with the weight of grave news on his shoulders, but over the span of his whole life. Never once did he open up to people. Not since his grandfather. Neil didn't trust people, and Eva used to think it was an insult to her and the people around him.

But it never was. He was simply afraid.

She reaches out and takes his hand in hers, forcing his tense muscles to relax. But he doesn't comply. His hands continue to quake, balled into fists. "I've made a waste of my life. There are so many things I wanted to do. So many things I wish I could have said." He releases a hysterical laugh that sounds like it's far away from him, and he shuts his eyes as the tears keep coming. "I sound like one of our patients, now. Look what you've done to me."

He sniffles. He still won't look at Eva. "And I don't think it's safe for us to use the machine again on me, or if it'll even work, so I'm going to die knowing I've ruined my life. There's no coming back from what I've done."

Eva feels herself break. Her hand continually presses against Neil's, waiting for his hand to uncurl, to let her interlock her fingers with his. She wants so desperately to know that Neil Watts trusts her, and that he will accept her comfort and solidarity. For a few moments, it seems as though he wouldn't allow it. That the wall he had built up would stay 'till his last breath.

And then his hand opens up, and Eva sniffles, reaching forward to hold it fast. "Neil…" She starts, but then he keeps going.

"I'm sorry I kept things from you. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for being an idiot." And now he's blubbering through the tears running down his face. Never before had he looked so lost and afraid.

"Neil." She says again. He finally looks over at her with his tear-stained, terrified, unsure face, and his soul feels tangible in her fingers.

Her voice is soft when she speaks, but the words had never been more true.

"I love you."

A beat of silence. His mouth curls into a smile through the tears, and he releases a shaky exhale, tightening his fingers around Eva's hand. Perhaps that was all he needed to hear throughout all those years. That someone, somewhere out in the world truly cared about him. And she did. She always had. She leans forward, pressing her forehead against his with her eyes shut, a small smile on her face.

As softly as he dares, Neil Watts replies, "I love you too."

They're both trembling violently, lost in a mixture of adrenaline, and fear, and raw emotion.

But in that one moment, knowing that they were cared for was enough.


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you sure the blindfold is necessary? I could always just take my glasses off..."

"No."

"Please, Eva? This fabric is itchy!"

"You can stand it for ten more minutes."

"I'm going to get rashes, and then they're going to get infected, and I'm going to become the next mutant hero."

"You're a drama queen, you know that?"

"I try my best."

Neil slumps in the passenger seat, giving up the fight with the bandana tied over his eyes for now. It had been about a week since Neil woke up from his second coma, and since then, there had been some struggles in his condition, each step leading further down to where the doctors said he would go. His mind was falling apart, but Eva was taking advantage of all the moments he was still aware, and still remembering. Every day, she feared it would be the last time he recognized her.

There had been a controversy hanging over everyone's heads over whether Neil could be discharged from the hospital to stay on his own or not. Each time, the answer was usually no. He needed someone to keep an eye on him at all times considering his unusual circumstance, and living alone didn't help his case. But he was allowed to leave for a temporary amount of time as long as he was looked after. And so it was with the hospital's permission that Eva picked up her partner and began to drive out of the city on that one evening in late May.

She refused to tell Neil where they were going. And for about an hour, she just drove. At one point, at a stoplight, she had reached over into the glove compartment and told Neil to slip the bandana over his eyes. The constant questioning that followed was more annoying than she anticipated, but eventually he complied.

"Seriously, where are we going?" Neil complains after a moment, moving to rest his knees against the dashboard. "Last I saw, we were heading out of the city due North, but nothing's really up there besides that old haunted bowling alley."

"There's a haunted bowling alley up here?"

"Yeah!" He claims, looking rather silly gesturing without his eyesight. "I heard all about it growing up. They say if you throw a ball down one of the deserted lanes, then the old lady that owned the place would show up as a ghost and replace your left shoe with a bowling shoe."

Eva rolls her eyes. "Yes, Neil, I'm taking you to the haunted bowling alley to get you a new left bowling shoe."

"I knew it."

She's keeping her fingers crossed, hoping that he won't recognize where they're going. But perhaps the blindfold solves all of her problems, because as soon as he had slipped it on, he lost all sense of direction. Eva takes another turn, and Neil groans.

"Okay, Eva, you've gotta spill soon. If I'm going to be kidnapped, I'd at least like to know where you plan on taking me."

"I thought we already established that we were going to the haunted bowling alley."

"I figured that's not a good place to hide somebody if everybody knows about it."

"That's just what I want them to think."

"If you dragged me out of the hospital and put a blindfold on me just to take me to a deserted bowling alley, I'm going to be sorely disappointed in you, Eva Rosalene. But not at all surprised."

"I don't know whether to be touched or insulted."

"I'd go for a mediocre eye-roll."

When she turns off the road, the ground turns to gravel and dirt. The sound of the crunching beneath the tires is enough to make her wary that he'd catch on, but Neil doesn't seem to notice. He's too busy itching at the skin under the bandana and complaining.

She doesn't really have a chance to egg him on about the blindfold, though, because not much later, she turns off and parks the car. Carefully, she turns the car off and sits still, looking over at her partner, who looks very lost.

"Um… Eva?"

"Yes, Neil?"

"…Are you going to let me take my blindfold off yet?"

"Mm… nah, I'm going to make you wear it a little longer."

Neil curses under his breath and Eva chuckles, opening her car door and stepping out into the evening air. "If this isn't worth it," Neil calls from inside the car, "I'm suing you."

"Suing me for what?"

"Attempted kidnapping."

"Attempted? But I already have you here."

"Not for long you don't." Neil says, reaching for the car door. "I'm going to make a run for it."

By the time he manages to get a foot on the ground, Eva has rounded the car, reaching out a hand to take his wrist. He doesn't have a chance to reply before she says, "Follow me," and then leads him across the grass. Neil doesn't argue.

It's becoming more and more of a struggle for Neil to use his body. His legs respond slower than normal, and it takes a considerable amount of effort just to put one in front of the other. Eva is patient, though, and keeps her hand on him, guiding him. Soon, he may not be able to walk at all. She feels a pang in her chest, but fights it just for tonight.

For a few moments, the two of them just walk. The crunch of grass beneath them is tipping Neil off, but he can't quite put his tongue on where in the world he could be. He has several different guesses running through his mind, but most of them fall flat. The sound of crickets amplifies with each step, and eventually, Eva halts.

"Okay." She says, turning towards him. "You can take the bandana off."

"Hmm…" He hesitates, smiling. "Don't know if I want to."

"Neil." Eva smirks at him, putting her hands on her hips.

"Nah. I think this fabric has attached itself to me."

"After all that, you're just going to stay blindfolded?"

"What can I say? I'm a man of mystery."

With a giggle, Eva reaches up to pull the bandana off of him. He wrestles with her wrist for a moment, trying to fight it, but loses pretty quickly. As soon as she manages to yank it off of his head, he covers his eyes with his hands. "Now I'm just not gonna look."

"You're a dork." She replies, smiling at him. "What will it take to get you to open your eyes?"

"For you to call Rob a buttface."

"Deal."

Neil laughs. It's genuine, pure, and heartwarming all at once. Neil removes his hands, but keeps his eyes shut. First, before he does anything else, he fishes for the glasses in his pocket, pulling them out of the case and sliding them on his face.

Mentally, he counts to three and opens his eyes, allowing the world to swim into his vision.

Neil Watts gasps.

Immediately, he knew where they were. It was unmistakable. Among the deteriorating thoughts, memories, and fragments falling to pieces in his mind, he could still remember those nights with his grandpa, watching the stars from the hill outside the city. He remembers those nights spent lost in a daydream, his gaze glued to the galaxy above him, with his mind racing through the never-ending sea of light in search for adventure.

But now he was here for real. With Eva. He hadn't set his feet on this hill since his grandfather's passing, and being here now sends a wave of emotions over his chest, causing him to place his palm against it and settle his heartbeat.

Eva smiles up at him before turning away, looking up at the sky alongside him. It's the best part about this place. The whole world seems dark in comparison to the shine of the galaxy, illuminating both of their faces.

Neil smiles, keeping his lips pressed together to hold his composure.

"Well?" Eva whispers softly, linking an arm around his back. "Worth it?"

"It's way better than an empty bowling alley, that's for sure." He responds, causing Eva to laugh, and he links an arm across her back as well.

The two of them sit on that hill for hours. Far away from the hospital, from the noise, from the light, and from the fear. They sit down in the grass and stargaze, allowing themselves this moment of freedom, where it didn't matter what came tomorrow.

So much of the week had been spent in worry. And now, the two of them were sitting peacefully, as though everything would be okay. They fell into sync with their breaths, sitting and watching the stars without any second thought or bother. Eventually, Eva leans her head against her partner's shoulder, and in turn, he leans his head against hers.

"Neil…" Eva says after a long time, her eyes still glued to the sky.

"Yeah?"

"I… I want so badly to ask you something, but I know you can't make that kind of promise to me."

He squeezes her fingers in his hand, responding in a low voice. "Try me."

Eva takes a shaky breath, shifting closer to her partner's warmth. "When you find yourself at the end of it all, and all your memories are shattering around you, and you feel yourself climbing towards your last breath… don't forget me, okay?"

He smiles, and after a moment, a soft hum comes to his lips. Eva can feel the vibrations through his shoulder and neck, and it sends a tingle through her cheek. She recognizes the tune. It was the song that had been playing in the car on that forsaken day when everything fell to pieces. The corners of her lips turn up and she falls into line with him, humming the melody with her heart in her throat.

Their eyes are glued to the stars, and their hearts are in harmony with one another. Time goes on. The clocks tick forward. And they both knew that the short road ahead would be hard. But together, in this moment, in this precious sliver of their lives, it's enough. In the grand scheme of it, that's all that truly matters.

Eva was going to lose him, but not in that moment. In that moment, they were together, and they were safe.

"I will never forget you, Eva Rosalene." Neil whispers, linking their fingers together. "I promise."


	18. Chapter 18

**_Surprise_**

 ** _I'm back_**

* * *

It had been months.

Eva had long since returned to work at Sigmund Corporation, taking on temporary partners until she could someday find a viable permanent candidate. She knew her boss was getting more and more impatient with her inability to stick with another co-worker as the weeks roll by, but none of them seemed to be up to par.

And whenever she had a free moment, she was at the hospital, visiting Neil Watts.

Talking to him about her day at Sigmund Corp was a weird transition that she never quite got used to, as most of her stories used to involve _him_. She'd try to describe her new temp partners to him, and he'd find reasons to diss each and every one of them until she found herself agreeing with his assessments. The constant rotation was getting a bit bothersome. It was hard to communicate to Neil that he was the only one she really wanted to team up with.

Working at the company had its own share of downward struggles. Being around dying people didn't exactly make her feel better about her friend being in the hospital basically on his deathbed. Doctors were astounded that he was lasting as long as he was with his deteriorating conditions, which Eva would have liked to take as hope, but she knew the signs couldn't be ignored.

At least he hasn't forgotten her.

Yet.

Some days, he'd forget why he's in the hospital. Other days, he'd forget a co-worker's name, or a previous case that Eva would bring up, or any sort of event that could have been considered important in his life. But every single time Eva walked into his room, his eyes lit up, and he'd relax in her company, fully aware of who she was. It was the only thing that kept her going some days.

"So who did your boss assign you to this week?" Neil asked, sitting up in a chair in the common area of the hospital. He never looked quite right in the hospital setting. Eva didn't think she'd ever get used to it.

"His name is Jerry." Eva replied, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Jerry, huh?" Neil stuffs a fork full of food into his mouth. "Sounds like a loser."

"You can't judge a guy just on his name."

"Fine, fine. Tell me about him."

Eva takes another sip of her coffee non-chalantly. "Well, he's actually the brother of the partner I had last month."

His hand freezes before he can take another bite. "Wait. Who was his brother?"

"Tom."

Neil nearly chokes on his laughter, clutching his stomach, and Eva jumps, startled at the sudden outburst. She waits for a moment, trying to figure out what had him tickled, when he unceremoniously bursts out, " _Tom and Jerry_!"

Eva only stares, trying to look uninterested, but she eventually couldn't help but crack a smile.

She really missed him.

Some nights, on weekends, she'd sit by his bedside and wait as he drifted off to sleep. She'd take his hand, feeling his quiet pulse in his wrist, listening to his soft and steady breathing to assure herself that he was still alive.

One night she had fallen asleep there, leaning against the side of his hospital bed with her hand nestled in his, and she had awoken to the distinct sound of soft crying. She could feel Neil's hand shaking in hers, and the soft gasps of air whistling between his teeth.

She couldn't bring herself to open her eyes that night.

Her heart had torn in two.

Some nights she'd leave to find solitude, releasing pent up emotions that begin to overflow by the time she makes it to the sanctuary of her bedroom, liberating her sorrows into tissues. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take, splitting her life between work and the hospital.

But the more time passed in these few months, the more acceptance began to put her mourning heart at ease. Her focus sharpened. Her work ethic heightened. Her time spent with Neil became more enjoyable and it felt as though things would be okay, even though she knew she could lose him at any moment. Somehow, she felt more at peace, yet very anxious at the same time, and she decided not to give herself too long to think about it.

Though she generally felt more at ease day to day, every telephone call and text message sent a strike of fear in the pit of her stomach, filling her with worry that it would be the notification that ended everything. In the past week, Neil seemed more run down and tired than she was used to seeing, and it was rekindling the fear in the pit of her stomach, reminding her that his life was very fragile at the moment, and at any second, he could shatter into a million pieces, sifting between her fingers like sand, escaping her grasp.

Which is why, when a loud and frantic banging on her door awakens her from her sleep one Tuesday night, her heart nearly stops in her chest. Eva recognizes Roxie's voice at once when she calls her name, and the doctor leaps out of her bed and on to her feet, taking several long strides across her home to reach the front door.

As soon as her hand lands on the doorknob, she swings it open in a rush, panting for breath. "What? What is it Roxie, what's wrong?" Eva gasps, fearing the worst. Had the time come? Was this it?

But there wasn't even a fraction of a second to process any sort of thought or fear, because Roxie rushed forward with both hands outstretched, grabbing Eva by the forearms and holding onto her with a vice grip. Her face comes too close, desperate and wide-eyed. "Eva, _I think I found a way to save Neil_!"

A pause.

"You… huh?" Eva shrunk back at the sudden contact, dazed. The cold night air makes her shiver, but Roxie looks like she isn't taking hesitation for an answer.

"Come on, let's go!"

"We- what?" Eva tries again to form a coherent question, but Roxie was already dragging her out of her house, still in her pajamas. "Roxie, hold on!"

"There's no time!"

"Can… Hang on Roxie, can I at least put clothes on first?"

"Did you even hear what I said?" Roxie rounded on her, apprehensive.

"You…" Eva stared, trying to recall what had just happened and attempts process her words. Understanding dawned on her all at once, and her eyes widened, reflecting the light from the streets. "You found a way to do _what_?!"

"To save Neil! Theoretically! Now let's move!"

"But how?" Eva demands, rushing after her to slide into the passenger seat of Roxie's car. "The machine would damage Neil more than it already has!"

"Not after what I've found." Roxie pulls out and begins to drive before Eva can even buckle her seatbelt.

"Where are we going?"

"The hospital." Roxie states assertively, turning suddenly and sharply. Eva is thrown against the window, tensed up and slightly afraid of her co-worker's driving skills. "Rob's going to meet us there."

She checks her watch as soon as she straightens up again. "There's no chance they'll let us in." Eva points out, feeling her shoulder throb. "Visiting hours are long over."

"Yeah I gathered that." Roxie says. "But we'll find a way. We've been visiting this hospital for months, I would sure hope I know how to get in without anyone noticing."

The sound of cars rushing past them brings an uncomfortable pit feeling in the doctor's stomach. Eva takes a moment to process what exactly is going on, and she holds onto the door handle in a vice grip, feeling confused and dizzy. "Wait wait wait, back up, explain to me everything. How long have you been working on-"

"Since the moment this all started, hun." Roxie says, swerving.

"But the last time we tried this…" Eva feels an involuntary shiver.

"I know. Which is why Rob and I have been doing everything we can to work out the issues. We've been developing different algorithms and codes for months trying to figure out what could work, but we've been hitting nothing but dead ends."

"Until tonight?"

"Until tonight."

Eva's heart begins to thunder.

"So what changed?"

Roxie reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small, flat chip with exposed wiring, keeping her other hand flush on the wheel. The small piece of technology was nestled between her pointer and middle finger, resting unassuming in Eva's eyes. "I found _this_."

"And what is that?" Eva dares to ask.

Roxie doesn't look at her when she answers.

"Neil called her 'Faye'."


	19. Chapter 19

"That's… Faye?"

"I thought you'd know about this." Roxie pocketed the chip again, returning her hand to the wheel with a look of determination.

Eva's head was spinning. "I… where did… but how?"

Roxie brushed a strand of hair out of her face, continuing on as if Eva hadn't been trying to ask a question. "I need you to tell me everything you know about her. Neil never gave us very many details, but if my theory is correct, she might be able to help us."

"She…" Eva felt her chest contract, and she placed a hand over her pounding heart. "What…"

"Eva." Roxie takes a hand off of the wheel to place it on her shoulder, trying to offer her some sort of comfort. Eva feels her skin itch under the touch. "Work with me here, we need to help Neil."

A moment, and then reality slams itself into her stomach. She's shivering now, and Eva forces herself to take a deep, slow breath. Everything feels too real all at once, and her mind races, trying to contain the train racing through her head. It had taken her months to get to the point where she was finally okay, and now, everything was crashing.

Again.

Could she really go through this _again_?

"Okay." She croaks out, clearing her throat. Her heart thunders at the betrayal of her lips. She most definitely was not okay. "Okay."

But, despite it all, she knew deep down that if there was a chance, she had to take it.

When they reach the hospital, it's lit only by the street lights and the sliver of moon hanging above them. Rob had beat them there, and the two step out of the car to meet him. As soon as she finds her breath, Eva tries to tell them everything she knows about Faye.

"So she was the imaginary friend of Colin Reeds, who somehow managed to override our systems, interact on her own free will, and change the patient's memories unmonitored?" Rob asks for confirmation after she had finished with a shaky exhale.

"Yes." Eva answers, nodding once in affirmation.

Rob puts a hand to his chin, standing at the door of his car. The midnight air is chilly, and the guest parking lot is, for the most part, deserted. There's a silence that falls over them now that Eva had completed her story, and she grinds her teeth together apprehensively, fiddling with her hands in her pockets.

"Okay. I think I know what we can do." Roxie says out loud, finally straightening up as though she had fit all the pieces together. "First, we need to get the machine up to Neili's room and hook up Faye's chip."

"Calm, Roxie." Rob stops her before she can speak any further. "I don't think we can just walk in with the Sigmund Corporation official machine and expect them to leave us alone in his room. Remember what happened last time."

"Well, what else can we do?" She looks exasperated. "As long as we're quiet, and we look like we know what we're doing, no one will stop us."

"Except everyone in the hospital knows what a memory traversal unit looks like, and they'll want to stop us and ask who's dying." Rob points out, his tone short. "You may know how to get in without anyone asking questions, but not with the machine. It's too big to hide under our coats, and even if we did get it to Neil's room, there's no way we'd have enough time to do what we need to before a doctor realizes we're in there."

Roxie opens her mouth as if to argue, fumbling on words. Her shoulders stiffen. "What else are we supposed to do, let him die?!"

"That's not what I'm suggesting at all, I just think we need to formulate a better plan."

"If we wait too long, we could be too late!"

"If Neil's been holding on for as long as he has, I think we have time to be careful. If we're not, we could make things much worse."

"Things will get even worse if we don't act quickly!" Roxie waves her arms dramatically. "I'm worried that the longer we wait, the more chance his brain will reject the machine all together. It could even harm him."

"It would most certainly harm him if we tried to hook him up to the machine, only for a doctor or security guard to pry it off of his head once they discover us. And that's _if_ we get the machine up to his room."

"What if we snuck Neil out of the hospital?"

Roxie and Rob both swivel their heads fast to look at Eva when she speaks, as if they had forgotten she was even there. They both seem to relax their shoulders, pondering and processing her words. Eva takes that pause in conversation to continue her thought. "Let's take him to Sigmund. No one would be there at this hour. We'd have the resources there in case something goes wrong."

Roxie ponders this, smiling, and then snaps her fingers. "You're a genius, Eva."

Rob nods his head. "That seems like the safest course of action. Now we need to determine how we will go about doing that."

Eva feels a swell of confidence at their new idea, and then turns back towards the hospital. "Neil's cognitive functions haven't been so great lately, so I don't think we can expect him to walk out here on his own. At least without drawing attention. We'll have to go up and scoop him into a wheel chair and bring him back down." Eva looks down at her pajamas, and then over to Roxie's casual clothes. "Rob, since you're the only one with a lab coat on, you might be the only one who can sneak in and act like a doctor."

"And since you're in pajamas," Rob points out, "it might look good if I walk in with you in a wheel chair, as though you're a guest at this hospital. I can cart you up past the doctors to Neil's room, and then you can walk back down."

"I suppose that makes me the getaway driver." Roxie gives them finger guns before planting her hands on her hips. "I'll keep the car hot. The hospital has extra wheelchairs in their spare rooms by the ER."

"The plan is solid." Rob agrees.

"Right." Eva nods once in confirmation.

"We'll be in and out before anyone notices. Let's go."

* * *

Neil drowsily stares up at the ceiling.

He hadn't been able to fall asleep tonight, no matter how hard he tried. He taps the bed with his fingers, trying to replay an old rhythm he used to know, but it seems to be slipping from his memory. He fights to hold onto it, but it seems as though the harder he tried, the farther away it flew.

He let his fingers fall still.

What would he be doing tonight if he wasn't here at the hospital, studied and monitored for his rare and individual condition? Poked and prodded as though he were a lab rat. He was tired of all the head scans. He was tired of his memories shattering to pieces.

How could he let it get this far?

A great shuffling of footsteps resounds from outside, and he sees a few silhouettes rush past his window. Confused, he tries to sit up in bed, frustrated at how slowly his body responds to his signals. More shapes rush past his window, and he hears voices shouting. After a few moments, there's a pause of silence, where he assumes all the panicked doctors and nurses had left this general area.

But then, another pair of footsteps sounds outside, and his door bursts open, throwing in bright beams of white hospital light. Just as quickly as it had opened, the door shut again, and the sound of clanging metal bounces off the walls as something falls to the ground.

Neil can only manage a panicked "Um!" before the darkness in the room adjusts once more to his eyes, and he can just make out the two people standing with their backs against his door.

Eva and Robert.

They're both panting for breath, and Eva manages a weak smile up at him. She's dressed only in pajamas, and at their feet is a wheelchair overturned on one wheel. "Hey Neil!" She gasps for breath, clutching her chest. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Um… what?" He stares at her, dumbfounded. Another string of shadows passes his window again, and the two of them stiffen.

"There's no time to explain. _Quick,_ get in the wheelchair. Eva, I see another coat over there, try putting that on."

Neil can hear the voices outside again for a distinct moment, and a nurse's voice he recognized catches his ear. "I saw them down the south corridor. Yes, I don't know who they are or where they went, but one was posing as a doctor. We need to lock the hospital down."

Eva and Robert either didn't seem to hear her or elected to ignore it as Eva threw the spare lab coat in the room over her shoulders. "Rob, put this face mask on." She tosses him one from off the table once her arms get shouldered into the sleeves.

"I hope this one is sanitary." Robert huffs, pulling the string and placing it securely over his face.

Neil still hasn't budged from his bed. Eva finally leans down to pick up the wheelchair that had fallen over haphazardly when they rushed into the room, and she wheels it over to him. "Okay, let's go." She says to him with a shaky voice, her eyes on the window.

It takes him several moments to formulate just a short sentence, his heart pounding. "What's going on?" He finally forces out, looking at her with a bewildered expression.

Eva doesn't hesitate with her answer, her face written with determination.

"We're getting you _out of here._ "


	20. Chapter 20

Neil can only stare, lost for words, at the sight of his partner and co-worker scrambling about in his room. Eva grabs hold of his arm a little too firmly and he winces, trying to gather some semblance of sanity. "What are you guys doing? Where are we going?" He moves to stand, only on instinct as Eva beckons him out of the bed.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, his knees buckle. Surprised by the sudden weight, Eva lets out a small chirp of surprise as she loops both arms under his forearms. He sags in her grasp, and she turns to lower him gently onto the wheelchair. He glances up at her with his glasses crooked on his nose. "This is the part where I'd say, 'I guess you could say I'm falling for you', but I'd honestly rather get some answers."

Eva rolls her eyes, straightening back up as he settles into the chair. "Roxie may have found a way to save you." She says matter-of-factly, turning to grasp the handles of his wheelchair and push.

It takes several long moments for Neil to process these words, and by the time he manages to, they're already at the door of his room. Rob had cracked the door open to peer into the hallway, checking to make sure the coast is clear, before waving with his hand to lead them out of the darkness.

Neil squints in the bright light of the hospital wing, slowly putting a hand above his field of vision. He feels nausea. "Wait, what? What do you mean?" He finally asks, attempting to crane his neck and look at Eva.

In response, she presses a finger to her lips and shushes him. "Pipe down!" She hisses under her breath. "Or they'll hear us."

"Why am I getting kidnapped for this?" He hisses back in an equal tone of voice, finally catching her eye over his shoulder. "Why not just try your experiment in my hospital room?"

"Are you joking? The doctors already hate us for what we did last time." Eva snaps, clocking him gently in the head with the back of her hand. "And it's not just _some experiment_. Roxie thinks there's a way to save you."

"For real? Like as in, a solid proof plan with no repercussions?"

"Well, it's not exactly perfect." Eva starts, and Rob jumps in.

"It should be fair to warn you that if it doesn't work, it might cause you more damage than you already have, but we all figured you'd rather take any chance you have to survive."

A doctor appears behind them at the end of the hall, and Rob ushers them to walk faster. After a moment, they hear a distinct, "Hey, you over there!" And their chests flood with panic. "Stop! We're under lockdown, everyone should be-"

" _Run_!" Eva barks, breaking out into a run with the wheelchair. Neil's weight rolls backwards at the sudden momentum, and he clutches his stomach with a queasy grimace. Rob runs ahead, hurriedly jamming his finger into the elevator button.

"Stop!" The doctor cries out, but they hit a stroke of luck. By the time Eva and Neil reach the elevator, the doors slide open, and they shift inside. "I found them, they're in the East elevator-" The doctor begins speaking into a walkie talkie. It takes an agonizing six seconds for the doors to close before the doctor could reach them, and the floor lurches as they descend. Together, they pause, panting for breath.

"Okay, but who says I want to take that risk?" Neil says at last, sounding a little saltier than he intended. "What if I don't want to endanger my health even further?"

Eva rolls her eyes. "We all know you would, there's no point in throwing a fit."

Neil grumbles, angry that they were right. "Fine. What is this so called plan of yours?"

"Roxie has all the details. She knows more about this sort of thing than we do, but she said it had something to do with Faye."

Neil blinks up at her, waiting for her to elaborate. When she doesn't, and instead gives him a confused expression, he responds with, "Who?"

Eva frowns, kneeling down beside his wheelchair to look him in the face. "Faye. From our case with Colin Reeds."

He blinks at her, at a loss for words, and Eva sighs, forcing back the sorrow in the pit of her stomach. "Never mind. The point is, Roxie has faith that it's going to work, so it's going to work."

"Isn't that how you guys felt last time?" Neil's voice comes out at a higher pitch than he intended.

"Last time I checked, you built that machine we used." Eva points out with an accusatory finger. "I trust Roxie far more than I trust you."

Neil ponders this, and then shrugs. "That's fair."

The elevator comes to a halt. Eva and Rob ready themselves to run, and as soon as the doors open, they sprint through the back hall. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be around, and the back entrance looks unguarded.

"Good, maybe we can-" Eva starts, before a voice pipes up somewhere behind them.

"Stop! This is hospital security!" A voice resounds, and Eva feels her heart leap into her throat.

"Go, go, go!" Rob ushers, racing past them to open the back door.

Amidst the panic, Eva accidentally clips the wheel of Neil's wheelchair against the door, causing the entire thing to overturn and throw the both of them onto the sidewalk. For a few, precious seconds, everything is still. Eva feels the cold ground beneath the palms of her hands and cheek, and she blinks in the dim light. She can see where Neil had fallen next to her, halfway under the wheelchair, with his face turned away from her and his arms sprawled out.

As the security guard comes closer, Rob hauls Eva to her feet, and the two of them kick the wheelchair away and each loop an arm under Neil, who looks far too dazed now to comprehend the situation. His glasses had cracked, and they leave behind one of the lenses.

Roxie is parked two spaces away, and her jaw drops at the sight of the security guard chasing them. "Hurry, get in!" She calls through the open driver's window, pressing a hand against her lips in fear.

There's an instant where Eva fears they won't make it, that the security guard will grab them, that they'll be in big trouble and lose their window to help Neil, but Rob wrenches the car door open, haphazardly pulling Neil inside with Eva, before slamming it shut and driving off, leaving the man in the dust.

As they turn onto the highway, an unsettling silence falls over all of them. Neil had finally pulled himself into one of the esats, panting heavily for breath, before running a hand through his hair, catching locks between his fingers. "Well." He says softly, forcing a shaky grin. "As much as I love getting kidnapped, I don't think the hospital will take that well."

"I assume so." Eva replies breathlessly.

"At least I can say my friends are never boring." Neil laughs. "Hey Roxie."

"Hi, hun!" She replies, looking far too chipper for their predicament. Perhaps that was how she coped, Eva wondered, and watched as she peeked over her shoulder at the group. "Buckle up now. We need to hurry in case the security guard read our license plate."

"Good call." Rob nods, moving to crawl into the passenger seat and leave Neil and Eva in the back.

The two of them fall into silence for a while, watching the blur of trees and other cars outside their windows, still trying to come down from their adrenaline highs. Neil has a hand placed promptly against his chest, and Eva notices that he's shaking. Sucking in a breath, she reaches out to settle a hand on his arm.

He whirls around as though her fingers had burned him. She draws her hand away, but Neil has already recovered, leaning towards her with eager eyes. "Do you really think this will work?" He asks softly, frowning.

She gives him a faint smile. "Faye was pretty crafty on our case with Colin."

Neil looks as though he doesn't know what she's talking about, but he nods anyway, turning back to the window. Eva sighs and reaches out again, grasping the sleeve of his shirt. "Neil."

He turns around, his glasses sliding down a bit. It's dark in the car, and Eva can barely see him, but their eyes lock. She moves her hand to crane the back of his neck. "It'll work. I know it will." She says, reaching for every ounce of hope she can muster. _It has to work. It has to work. It has to work._

Neil doesn't speak. She leans farther forward and presses her forehead against his, straining to see him in the dark van. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." Neil responds without hesitation.

"Then we're going to save you."


	21. Chapter 21

When they pull into Sigmund Corporation, it's one in the morning.

Neil is wheeled through the parking lot by Eva, lost in thought, with Rob and Roxie leading the way to the front door. He feels himself drained of all energy to be perky or witty, especially with all things considered, and he bites his tongue nervously. It doesn't matter, however, because Roxie seemed keen on filling the silence herself with her own off hand comments about whatever she can think of.

It's only when the front doors close behind them that everyone's tension relaxes a little, and they all share a moment of silent processing. Eva presses the elevator button, and together they wait with baited breath.

"Eva… who is Faye?" Neil finally asks, feeling a little helpless for asking what seemed to be an obvious question to the rest of them.

Eva heaves a quiet, sad sigh, and then recounts their adventures with the Colin Reeds case as they ascend up a few floors in the elevator. Neil finds it very jarring to hear a story involving himself that he doesn't even remember, and tries to pay attention as closely as he possibly can. By the time they reach the top floor, Eva had just about finished the abridged explanation, and Roxie shoulders open Eva's office door, flicking on the light to reveal the machine Neil had tampered with so long ago.

"Why's it in here, and not in my office?" He inquires curiously.

"You don't have an office here anymore, Neil." Roxie points out gently, not looking at him.

For some reason, it hurts, seeing evidence of the world moving on without him.

But before he could dwell on it long, Roxie takes over. "So, I'll give you a quick recap of our experiments. After we used the machine on you, it had the same effect of brain damage that it would on anyone, just to a slower degree due to the enhancements on the machine. There were other modifications Rob and I have been experimenting with in order to counteract the effects, and they seemed promising, but we couldn't control the variables without the machine damaging _us_ in the process. That's where Faye comes in.

"Faye was able to alter Colin's memories without the presence of any Sigmund Corp personnel. She's basically an AI. And while we're still not sure how she came about, or how a patient managed to create this program with just his _imagination,_ we think she could pull the switch to alter your memories safely, while also repairing any damage the machine had done, without causing any of _us_ harm, because we wouldn't be in there."

"And you think that's going to work?" Neil asks weakly. "Let me see your notes."

While the two technicians lean over the desk to discuss things far out of Eva's understanding, she sinks into the arm chair against the wall and heaves a deep sigh, while Rob sits in the one beside hers. There's a silence for a few minutes before Eva mutters, almost sadly, "I thought this was all over a long time ago."

"I did as well." Rob replies. "But a new ray of hope isn't unwelcome."

Eva replies with a soft hum of agreement, but she feels ill. She presses her fingers to her temples and gives a deep sigh. "I don't want to get my hopes up again," She mutters softly, shutting her eyes, "only for it to not work. What if we're just making things worse?"

"If we want Neil to live, we need to take that risk." Rob says softly, "Though, yes, I know this is troublesome."

Neil picks up a notebook full of Roxie's writings and then says something to her as though he were correcting something. He picks up a pencil and begins to write in the margins, pointing to it with his other finger while Roxie leans over him and presses her lips into a thin line, as though lost in concentration. "However," Rob points out, "last time, it was just Roxie coming up with the solution to save him, and now he can help us."

Roxie nods furiously as though she had understood something she hadn't a moment ago, and then takes her own pencil to scribble something onto the notebook. Eva feels herself relax a little the longer she watches the two technicians write and rewrite and rewrite. Any holes or mistakes either of them made, the other would fix it.

A long, agonizing hour goes by, filled only by the soft chatter of Neil and Roxie over the desk, as though they were working out a difficult math problem. At several points, they begin to argue, pointing desperately to the notebook until one points something out that shuts the other down entirely, and then they'd move on.

Eventually, Roxie is standing apprehensively over the table, while Neil looks ready to leap out of the wheelchair with eagerness.

"This will work." He finally says out loud, looking down at the notebook. He sounds like he's in disbelief.

Roxie picks it up and scans over it, proofreading for mistakes. "I'll make the adjustments to the machine and make sure it processes correctly." She says, turning back to the equipment and pulling up the control panel.

Eva watches, slightly fascinated, yet slightly lost. While Roxie works, Neil wheels himself over to shadow her and make sure it's going well. Eva watches as Roxie attaches Faye's chip to the machine.

"Okay," Roxie says over her shoulder, while still working. "In order for this to work, Eva, I need you to go in and direct Faye on what to do. And then you'll pull out before she makes any changes."

"Why me specifically?" Eva asks curiously.

"Well, it could be any of us, but I figured you'd jump down our throats if it wasn't you." She replies nonchalantly, reaching into another open panel of the equipment. "Neil, hand me the screwdriver."

Eva ponders this, and then decides that was probably fair. But still, her apprehension multiplies as she bounces her leg, now leaning forward in her seat. Her mind plays every possible scenario in her head; good and bad ones. It's making her feel nauseous. Eventually, Roxie straightens up with her hands on her hips, opening her mouth as though to say they were ready, but Eva cuts her off. "Neil, I need to talk to you before we do this."

All three heads swivel around to look at her, including Roxie's shocked expression, who had just been cut off, but understanding dawns all at once. Neil cocks his head slightly before nodding, allowing Eva to open the door of the office and escort the both of them into the hallway.

Without the lights on, and only the moon filtering through the windows, it seems very eerie to be standing here, where there were usually people filtering in and out. Eva had never been in the office building while it was dark outside, let alone at this hour, and she ignores the chills creeping up her spine.

Eva has her back to Neil when the door shuts behind them, and she clenches her fists to hold herself together. "Neil…" She says, fighting to keep her voice from wavering. She turns around, her expression watery. Neil looks on, for once in his life, completely and utterly silent. "I need to…" She loses her words. "Just in case… just in case this doesn't work, I…"

Neil does something that Eva wasn't ready for. Slowly, and with as much strength as he could muster, he picks himself up out of the wheelchair and stands at full height with her, towering half a foot above her. It looks like it's taking a lot of energy to do this, but neither of them speak. Eva has been stunned into silence.

He opens both of his arms and pulls her close to him, and the sudden warmth spreads ease throughout her. She feels her walls begin to crumble again, and she hates the way her arms begin to shake. Hates the way her eyes begin to water over for what seems like the millionth time. "Don't say that." He says under his breath, squeezing her tighter as she returns his embrace. "It's going to work. I know it will. Because you told me so."

"Neil, just because I-" She sniffles. "Just because I-"

"I know." He cuts her off. "I know you were just trying to be brave for my sake."

"So many things could happen." She mutters, now feeling her fears come to surface. She reprimands herself internally for voicing such concerns to the one it affects the most. If anything, she should be giving him hope. Assuring him that it will work. And here he is, comforting her, because she can't keep her mouth shut.

Distantly, Eva feels Neil's form shaking ever so slightly.

They don't let go.

"I don't want to die." He whispers under his breath, so soft that she almost doesn't catch it. She squeezes him tighter, feeling her heart sink.

Eva wants so very badly to say, _I won't let you_ , but the words catch in her throat, and she feels herself refuse to say it aloud. Because what if she messes up? What if the machine malfunctions again? What if there's no coming out of this one alive? Her mind becomes a beehive of loud sorrows, wailing as though she were falling to pieces.

"But I know that I won't." He suddenly says, "Because you won't let me."

Silence.

The noise in her brain subsides, leaving only echoes.

Warmth spreads throughout her.

"You're right." She says, her voice stronger. "I wont."

When they release, Eva feels a piece of herself split apart and pull away with him, leaving her emptier and at a loss, but then Neil smiles at her with such a familiar expression that it rocks her to her core. She doesn't have to say goodbye to him anymore. After months of readiness to let go, she can hang on to him once more with an iron grip. When they enter back into the office, and air of determination floods in with them, filling the room with life.


	22. Chapter 22

**I wanted to take a second to thank you guys for your feedback! It's honestly what kept me going in writing this story, so thank you. I appreciate you all. Heart emojis.**

* * *

Eva cradles the memory traversal helmet in her palms, staring down at it with unfocused and glassy eyes. Her mind is somewhere far away. Around her office, she distantly hears the chatter of everyone else prepping the scene, almost solemnly, like they were organizing a funeral. She can just see in her peripheral vision as Neil lay himself down across a few spare chairs.

Her attention snaps back into the present only when Roxie kneels down in front of her, putting a hand on her knee. "How ya doin, hun?" She asks softly, with an assuring smile.

Eva tries to offer a smile back, but it falls flat. She can't bring herself to answer. In response, Roxie squeezes her hand on her knee and then straightens up a little. "Okay, hun, once you get in there, I need you to navigate towards Neil's overworld. The machine should have calibrated with our saved settings from before. All of his memories should be in tact. And Faye should immediately load into that area with you once you get inside.

"Once you're there, explain to her everything you can. About our past excursion through his memories, and the delayed damage done to his brain. Make it clear that you need her to restore the damaged memories, which should in turn restore his health and cognitive functions."

Eva blinks. "That's… it?"

"That's it! Piece of cake!" Roxie smiles warmly. "Just make sure you pull out before she pulls the switch."

With a pat on her shoulder, Roxie turns back to the machine, and Eva stares back, feeling slightly dumbfounded. It would really be that simple? No, there was no way. Not after everything they've been through. It shouldn't be that easy of a solution. Something was bound to go wrong. Her heart begins to pound beneath her ribcage.

"Alright, Neil, just relax, lay back." Roxie tells him, and he slowly lowers himself down. "We need to do this while you aren't conscious, so I'm going to give you a sedative, okay?"

"Where did you get a sedative?" Neil gives her a startled look.

"I have my ways." She smiles devilishly.

He squirms a little. "Is it too late to change my mind?"

"Yep!" Roxie puts a hand on his shoulder. "Alright, Eva, go ahead and start calibrating yourself with the helmet."

Eva looks down at the piece of machinery in her hands as though it were something she had never seen before. It takes her a few long seconds of staring to realize that her hands were shaking. She curses under her breath, swallowing hard, trying to take in slower breaths of air.

In an attempt to not get stuck in her own panic, she slides the helmet on over her head and takes a deep breath, running a finger across the button placed just above her right ear. But she can't find it. She can't think. Her hand is trembling violently and she swallows hard.

With a sudden pull to her body, as though gravity had reversed and fallen sideways, she finds herself floating weightlessly again, lost in the darkness of Neil's crashing and deteriorating memories. It's not going to work. No matter how many times she tells herself it'll be okay this time, somewhere deep down, the monster calls her out on her bluff.

 _What if it goes wrong?_

In the car, merely over an hour ago, she had promised Neil she would save him. How could she make that promise? Nothing was for certain. Anything could happen. She could lose him permanently this time. What if _she_ gets stuck in the machine with no way out? She could die. Or she'd float forever in crashing code and software. They both could end up paying for this.

 _What if, what if, what if._

The weight of the helmet on her head feels like a heavy rock crushing her skull. She could very well find herself buried beneath it. _How dare I make a promise such as that?_ _How dare I fill him with false hope? What if I kill him? What if I die?_

She floats. On and on and on into eternity, lost in the realm of death and destruction.

"Eva."

She had never left the seat she was in. She had never even activated her helmet. Hot tears are running down her face, and her breaths are coming ragged. Neil had pulled the helmet off of her, freeing her of the burden, holding her by the shoulders. "Eva, look at me. Eva!"

A ragged breath seethes its way through her teeth, and she presses her lips together to will her lungs to calm down. Neil presses his forehead against hers, his palms against her jaw and cheeks, and his eyes stare into hers. "Neil." She finally sputters out, choked between sobs.

"It's okay. It'll be okay, I promise." He says, but the words have the opposite effect that she wants. On impulse, she presses the palms of her hands against his chest and roughly shoves him away from her. With his slower response time, he isn't able to stop himself from falling backwards, rolling until his shoulder blades hit the carpet and he fishes his hands backwards to hold his weight up.

"Don't say that!" She chokes out, balling her hands into fists. She stands up, holding her chin up high despite the river of tears spilling out of her eyelids. "Don't you dare make a promise like that! Do you know how many times this hasn't worked? Do you know how many times something has gone wrong? Don't you dare look me in the eye and say that it'll be okay, because you can't know for sure!" She spits the last sentence out as though she had been stung. Neil looks up at her helplessly from the ground, his mouth slightly open, as though he were searching for the right words to say, but Eva doesn't give him a window to. "I tried, okay? I tried to be as optimistic as you! But I can't! It's going to haunt me for the rest of my life if I make a promise only for you to die, or for me to die, or for s _omething_ to go wrong again! You can promise me all you want that it'll be okay but I'll never really believe you."

Neil is still silent. Roxie and Rob had both taken a step back, looking as though they had both been slapped, but neither speak. There's an agonizing silence that falls over the room, only filled by the sound of Eva's soft inhales and exhales. She finally brings a hand up to her face and wipes at the tears, shutting her eyes. "I'm sorry I told you to trust me. I can't keep that promise I made. _Anything_ could go wrong."

"But you're going to do your very best, right?"

She blinks through her tears, trying to see Neil through the soft blur of her gaze. He had leaned forward now, sitting on his knees with his face up. "I…" She swallows, but Neil cuts her off.

"In the car, when you promised me that you'd save me, I believed you," He said, his tone bordering with sorrow. Eva feels her heart sink into the pit of her stomach, and nausea climbs up the back of her throat.

Neil looks up at her.

"But I didn't believe you because I thought you were a miracle worker."

Eva feels herself begin to crumble.

"I believed you because you were going to do the best you possibly could. Everyone in here is doing their best for my sake. And…" He looks down at his knees. "I'm… not exactly the sappiest of individuals." He chuckles to himself, "but… I could never be thankful enough. For all of this. I don't really have an eloquent way to say it, but, I think it's going to work because, if it's possible, you all would have found a way."

"But there were so many times where we almost…" Eva starts.

"I'm not dead yet, am I?" He smiles sarcastically up at her, shrugging his shoulders. This draws a half hysterical laugh out of his partner, who sniffles and rubs at her eyes again. Her legs begin to wobble after a moment and, deciding the floor would be much more comfortable of a place to weep, she crumbles to her knees in front of Neil with her hands on her face.

"It's not false hope that's getting me through this." Neil says to her gently, placing his hand on her shoulder and returning his forehead to hers. "It's all of your determination to save me. If it doesn't work, at least I know you all had tried your best for _me_. Even though I am the least deserving of any individual on the planet."

That draws a laugh out of Eva, followed by a sniffle. "You're right. You _are_ the least deserving person on the planet."

"No one holds a candle to my sheer unpleasantness." He replies with a half smile, watching fondly as Eva rubs at her leaking eyes.

"Which is why…" His expression falters. He looks like a child now, confused and lost within his own mind.

"I don't…

He takes a small breath, looking away from everyone.

"I don't understand why you all are doing so much for me."

Eva laughs at this, but this time it borders slight hysteria, and she grabs the collar of his shirt, yanking him towards her to plant a kiss on his lips. His eyes go wide for a second, clearly at a loss for a reaction, and the world seems to move in slow motion.

Just as soon as she had given it to him, she pulls away, looking shocked with herself. For a second, the two of them stare at each other, as though seeing each other for the first time. Eva fumbles for words. "I…"

"Now that's a motivator if any." He replies lazily with a goofy grin, earning a lighthearted slap on the shoulder from his partner.

This seemed to break the fragile atmosphere in the room, and then the two of them fall into fits of laughter, clutching their stomachs with wild abandon. Eva can't see Rob and Roxie from her position on the floor, unsure of how they were reacting to this bizarre scene, but she found herself unable to really care.

Finally, she shakes her head with a grin plastered on her face. "You idiot." She mutters. "You get another if you survive."

Playfully, he bounces a bit on his knees. "What are we waiting for then?" A new energy seems to have flooded through his veins, and he smiles excitedly. "Let's do this!"

"Don't tell me that was all you needed." She teases, but she's already helping Neil to his feet, and he's laughing, and she's crying, and Rob and Roxie look like they can't decide whether to laugh or cry, but somehow, things felt a little bit better.

They'd get through this. They always did.


	23. Chapter 23

Eva doesn't remember shedding so many tears in her entire life.

When life had its ups and downs, even as a young girl, she never allowed herself such vulnerability freely. Only on the rare occasion would she let herself break, but even then, the occurrences were few and far between.

Besides, she had had a fairly good life growing up. Even some of her darkest moments weren't so bitter as others. She had quickly learned to roll with the punches of life, and numb herself to anything that made her feel too unsafe.

The idea of losing the person closest to her in the world, however, seemed to top everything she'd ever faced in her life.

She hated this constant vulnerability. In the months following the first revelations of Neil's impending end, she'd constantly get pitying looks and exchanges from the people around her. Tears escaped her eyes more often than she would have liked. Emotions wavered over everything, including small inconveniences and altercations.

Eva Rosalene hates feeling vulnerable.

It seemed like no one knew how to handle her at that point. If anything, she didn't even know how to handle herself. The constant cracks in her shell made her feel awful. She hated it. She hated the fact that she no longer had tight reign on her mental state.

The only person who even tried to treat everything like it was normal had been Neil, and _he_ was on his death bed. Instead of helping, it just made her angry. Made her feel like she had to be emotionally crumbling for the both of them. That had been until she came to the realization that he was merely trying to help her.

Until those raw moments she witnessed his own breaking points, when he thought she couldn't see him.

Those nights in the hospital where she fell asleep and awoke to the sound of his muffled sobbing into the palm of his hand, or the days he'd go through physical therapy and she'd peek in on him, only to watch him collapse and curse everything under the sun for his failing brain signals, or his weaker smiles on particularly bad days, with a dull shade in his eyes.

Now, however, when she looked into his eyes, they sparkled.

Hope.

He had hope again.

So she should, too.

At least, Eva thought to herself, she should try to. For his sake. Because if she didn't believe he'd get better, then the battle would have already been lost.

So when she materialized once more into his memories, surrounded by the familiar echo of recollections the machine formed, her head was held high. She would save Neil Watts. She had to.

The Overworld was, miraculously, still in tact. She had never stopped to wonder how it would look after months passing by. Their patients never lasted more than a day or two. But she didn't have a chance to dwell on it long, for the familiar form of a young woman shifted into existence before her, eyes piercing.

"Faye." Eva says once.

Faye looks exactly the same from the first time they had met face to face. However, this time, she was docile. Her brown dress wafted slowly, as though a breeze racked this control board of memories. "Dr. Rosalene?"

"Yes." Eva answered slowly, attempting to figure out how to explain everything to her. She hesitated, waiting for Faye to take in her surroundings and atmosphere.

"We're in the memories of Neil Watts." Faye says at once, and Eva is caught off guard at first. But then again, she was a computer program. Part of her wondered where the line had blurred between imaginary friend and lines of binary code.

"Yes." She says again. "We need your help."

Faye looks across the connected memories of the other doctor, taking in the landscape. "Why is everything crumbling?" She mutters softly, and Eva is slightly confused at this, before realizing she was probably referring to the stability of everything. Something she could not perceive with human eyes.

"Neil suffered brain damage. We believe we found a way to help him with this modified machine." She begins, struggling to figure out how to articulate it all.

"He's suffering."

Eva stops, taken aback by this comment. She waits for her to continue.

"Whatever has been done, it really did a number on him." Faye says offhandedly, looking down. "There's anguish in his mind. Fear. Pain."

A silence falls between them. Eva finds that she is holding her breath. For some reason, the woman before her looks very sad, casting her gaze somewhere far beyond the two of them, as though recalling things the other cannot see. But as soon as the moment began, it passes, and there's a flicker of determination in Faye's gaze when she looks up. "What do I need to do?"

After articulating everything Eva has the capability to recall, Faye only stands perfectly still and listens. Dr. Rosalene can only think to herself that an enigma stands before her. Something she never thought would exist. A literal imaginary friend, acting as an AI of her own accord. She can't help but ponder this strange predicament she finds herself in. Surely, no one in the world would have gone through what Eva Rosalene has endured in the past few months.

When Faye had processed everything, her expression did not change. Eva allows a silence to fall between them. "Faye, can you do it?"

The other hesitates.

"It's definitely possible." She answers, which isn't quite enough to make Eva relax. "I will do my best. And… Dr. Rosalene, if this works, will you do me a favor?"

She hesitates. "What is it?"

"When Neil wakes up, will you tell him thank you for me?"

"Thank you? For what?"

"For trusting me." She says with a small smile on her face, looking away now. "He trusted me with the task of providing Colin's happy ending so long ago, and now he trusts me to save his life. I can't help but feel grateful that he would do that for me. And now that I am plugged into his entire memory bank, I can see everything. I can see how much he struggles to trust others."

A pause, and then Eva returns her small smile, nodding once. "Of course I will."

"Despite his difficulty to trust others, he trusts you."

Eva is quiet.

Faye smiles at this, and then takes a step backwards, not waiting for a response from the other. "Eject yourself from his memories, Dr. Rosalene. Your work here is done. I will save Neil Watts."

* * *

When Eva opens her eyes to the real world once more, it's to the piercing gazes of Roxie and Rob. She slides her helmet off slowly, carefully, as though moving too fast would break it. Her motions are slow and careful, placing the helmet in the seat as she stands up.

Neil is laid out across a few spare chairs, the memory traversal unit plugged up to his head, with his chest slowly rising and falling in patient sleep. She lowers herself onto her knees beside him, eyes glued to his peaceful face. Without his glasses, being able to see him like this, her heart pounds in her chest. Things were so different now.

"Well?" Roxie asks softly, shifting her gaze between Rosalene and the screen.

"It's up to Faye now." Eva replies softly.

There's no heart monitor here to fill the silence of the room. Eva settles this by reaching out a hand to place two fingers on Neil's wrist. The tiny bump beneath his skin was all she needed, and it was a small comfort if any to assure her that for now, he was still there. He was still with her.

Moments pass. She waits, her breath caught in her chest. Her other hand reaches up to cup Neil's face, watching for any change of expression, though she knew he would not awaken for some time.

It's the most deafening silence Eva has ever endured in her life.

The room melts away after a while, and it's just the two of them. She clings to the only comfort she can, relaxed only by the soft thump in his wrist. His face is too relaxed, too unlike Neil's bubbly personality. She wishes he would awaken, but at the same time, looking upon his face like this, she can't help but feel peace.

A ping from the unit's panel shatters the silence, causing her heart to skip a beat. This was it. This was the moment of truth. She clung to his wrist, holding her breath now, waiting for the inevitable.

She hears Roxie's fingers pad against the unit's screen, but she doesn't turn around.

"Eva." Roxie says softly.

"Yes?"

"It worked."

….

She never thought she'd hear those words.

Her heart in her chest nearly stops.

The thundering pressure subsides in her ears. Once again, her emotions are out of her reign, and she feels hot tears rising to her eyes, threatening to flood over. But she knew this would be the last time she felt so unsure, so afraid, so paralyzed. Because he was alive. Neil Watts was alive.

Sniffling to hold back a sob, she lays her head down on Neil's chest and breathes in ragged breaths, hating the way her body betrays her so. She releases her hold in his wrist and wraps her arms around his torso, crying silently into his chest with quaking shoulders. His unconscious body doesn't shift or move, but she would prefer it that way for now.

When Neil Watts awakens, Eva Rosalene would kiss him without abandon, for he was alive.

He was alive.


End file.
